Congress to Assist Major League Baseball to Run Better!

[Edwards Kings]

In a news report released by S.N.A.F.U., the official reporting service for the National Democratic Party, House Speaker Nancey Pelosi (D-California), reeling from voter backlash associated with nationalized healthcare, announced today new legislative iniatives in hopes of reviving flagging political fortunes. The keystone is "...aimed directly at what I feel are the best interests of baseball...", according to Speaker Pelosi.



"It has come to my attention that there is a class of players in our National Pastime that have been grossly underrepresented in something called the lead-off spot. According to our calculations, very few first baseman, third baseman, catcher, or desicrated hitters ever get to bat lead off!"



Speaker Pelosi went on to say that "...such discrimination cannot and will not be tolerated any longer. Therefore, after months of detailed research by the best minds on my staff and aided by the best intull...intill...untoll...smart people in the Democratic Party and at a cost of $50,000,000 of TARP funds, we have determined that Major League Baseball plays about half of the year and therefore must play something like 800 games a year. We are therefore demanding through legistlation, a hallmark of Democratic leadership, that every major league baseball team must have, as its leadoff hitter for at least 100 games a year, a catcher, first baseman, third baseman, and DH. There will be no exceptions for the National League or the American League."



When informed that the National League does not have DH's, Speaker Pelosi commented "You know, there are always people willing to provide excuses as to why good programs like this should not succeed. Those people are just pawns of The Man, but we will not be moved from our agenda even once. I am from San Francisco and I know baseball. I can remember my father taking me out to see the...local major league baseball team...way back in 1947 or 1948. Times were tough then as WWII was still going on, but we still went as we thought it was our patriotic duty. I go to...that big place by the water...so often that I am just about a team mascot. I am very close will all the players like...Eddie and George and even some of the hispanic ones."



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