Fantasy Camp

[BK METS]

I feel I was unrightfully omitted from this episode.. What's a guy gotta do, Dan?

[Outlaw]

I feel I was unrightfully omitted from this episode.. What's a guy gotta do, Dan?

You gotta tout the Mets more tha you have been.... Harvey and Wheeler are going something special over the years... BTW- Duda needs to stay at 1B... trade IKE...

[DOUGHBOYS]

I feel I was unrightfully omitted from this episode.. What's a guy gotta do, Dan?

You're right, Alan.
I will get you in the next episode.

Greg, in a Fantasy Camp sense, I miss those days.
So much material!
However in every other sense, I don't miss those days at all.

[Greg Ambrosius]

I feel I was unrightfully omitted from this episode.. What's a guy gotta do, Dan?

You're right, Alan.
I will get you in the next episode.

Greg, in a Fantasy Camp sense, I miss those days.
So much material!
However in every other sense, I don't miss those days at all.

I don't miss a SINGLE DAY of that former life. We're loving our new home now!! Keep the Fantasy Camp going.

[DOUGHBOYS]

Let's check in on the kids.....

Principal Ambrosius: (over the loud speaker)

Welcome back for another semester of Fantasy Camp, Kids!
We are so pleased to have you back!
We hope you enjoyed your vacation and more importantly, we hope your teams are in contention in all your leagues!
You should all be in your home rooms with your class schedules.
Just a reminder that I won't be as accessible. As most of you know, I'll be spending a lot of time on the 'Dark Side'. Some of you kids have already switched over to the Dark Side. If you want the transfer, let me know, I can take care of that.
Again, welcome back, Kids!

Rog:
What classes you got, Money?

Money:
Online Championship
Bakers Dozen
Numerish I2

Rog:
What is Bakers Dozen?

Money:
A study in the feasibility of allowing one more team in a 12 team league and the effects thereafter.
I'm majoring in 12.

Edwards Kings:
Hey Toddz, what classes did you get?

Toddz:
8796823947692076423097672394867

Bjoak:
He's taking
Advanced Numerish
Calculus Numerish
Numerical Probabilities
Chemistry

Edwards Kings:
Chemistry?

Toddz:
76209689672986886

Bjoak:
He says that while you see PEDS and ask why, he sees PEDS and asks, what.

BK Mets:
What classes you got GlennerationX?

GlennerationX:
History of the Mets
The Seaver Era
The Gooden Era
Present Day Mets
I'm not looking forward to that one!

BK Mets:
COOL!
Those are the same classes I have!

Incredible Hulking Us:
Has anybody seen, Deadheadz?

Baseball Furies:
I don't know the dude.
Why?

Incredible Hulking Us:
I'm going to beat the shit out of him!

Baseball Furies:
Cool! I'll help you find him!
What'd he do?

Incredible Hulking Us:
He's going around the whole Fantasy Camp calling me a 'Stiff'!

Baseball Furies:
Ha! You a Stiff?
This guy doesn't know who he's messing with!

Incredible Hulking Us:
He called you a stiff too!
According to him, anybody not vying for first place in most leagues is a stiff.
That makes you, 'the stiffiest'...right?

Baseball Furies:
I'll help you beat the shit out of him. Only my friends call me a stiff.

Ando:
Anybody seen Outlaw?

KJ Duke:
He's behind this door, open it

Ando opens the Door

Outlaw:
And furthermore the PEDS epidemic has risen to such levels that the kids of America are threatened in such a way that....

Ando: (Closing the door)
What gives?

KJ Duke:
Outlaw didn't go home for vacation. He decided to stay at Camp and break the 'Joe Blanton' record for longest thread in Fantasy Camp.

Gekko:
Hey, has anybody seen this Deadheadz character?

Navel Lint:
No, but I have a feeling that NFBC 101 should be one of his classes. Did he call you a stiff too?

Gekko:
To quote Mark Twain, ' It is better to keep your mouth closed and let others think you're a fool, rather than opening it, and removing all doubt'

DOUGHBOYS:
Wow, I'm surprised. That's deep.

Gekko:
One of my new classes is
Advanced Message Board: Comebacks Using Quotes

DOUGHBOYS:
Ah! I took that.
You could have also used,
To quote Bugs Bunny, ' He don't know me too well, do he?'

Bronx Yankees: (out of breath)
Have you guys seen ....Principal.....Ambro....sius?

Group:
No.

Bronx Yankees:
We'd better find him quick!
There's two fights!
In the first one, Incredible Hulking Us is beating one kid up.
He's asking before each punch, 'is this one 'stiff' enough for you?'

King of Queens:
What's the second?

Bronx Yankees:
Knucklehead heckled Outlaw during his PEDS filibuster.
They're fighting down by Walla Walla Hall!
Let's go!

Narrative:
The two fights came to a conclusion without serious injury.
Outlaw and Knucklehead still don't see eye to eye.
Incrdible Hulking Us claimed victory.
Deadheadz claimed vickory.

The Kids biggest laugh came when headhunters was misplaced in Navel Lint and Winston's Empire 'Advanced Cubs' class
And ALL-IN JD was placed in 'Present day Mets' class.
headhunters left class, anxious to get a transfer. ALL-IN JD stayed to heckle BK Mets and GlennerationX.

rockitsauce:
Stiff. Ha! That's what she said!

[Winston's Empire]

Let's check in on the kids.....
The Kids biggest laugh came when headhunters was misplaced in Navel Lint and Winston's Empire 'Advanced Cubs' class
!

Just glad to get a mention in Fantasy Camp Dough! See you in class Russ!

P.S. I am drinking the Cubs KoolAid more than usual this August... Theo & Jed have us heading in the right direction, I am hoping to raise my hand A LOT in class!

[Money]

Just Classic stuff. I laugh so hard when I read "The Fantasy Camp" each time.

I read every post you do Dan, but when I see the "Fantasy Camp" that gets my immediate attention. I'd actually pay to read it.

[Bronx Yankees]

I feel honored to be referenced! My first one! I now have a strong bias in favor of Fantasy Camp threads.

Mike

[Glenneration X]

Just Classic stuff. I laugh so hard when I read "The Fantasy Camp" each time.

I read every post you do Dan, but when I see the "Fantasy Camp" that gets my immediate attention. I'd actually pay to read it.

I don't know about paying for it. Joe can afford it since he's running away with the 12-team Super. The rest of us also-rans just appreciate the free laughs.

Always both funny and relevant Doughy. Fun read as usual.

[Ando]

Nice work Dough, especially with not having much material to work with this summer. The Boards have been as quiet as a typical MTM pitching staff lately.

[Ando]

Nice work Dough, especially with not having much material to work with this summer. The Boards have been as quiet as a typical MTM pitching staff lately.

Oops, my bad. Just got caught up on the Deadheadzisms from the other thread. You had plenty of material to work with!

[rockitsauce]

Hey Dan, good to see you haven't forgotten me. I haven't been around much. Doing my best with Main team & Contract Lge, but I fear it will be yet another yr of net loss...financially because of course every yr is a learning experience and fun too! Still on the grind every day. Today the only person who loves Tyson Ross more than his mother is me

Joseph told me this place turned into the Outlaw show and he wasn't shittin'. Glad you're still here.

Prince just went deep. Good for him. He's going thru some shit, these guys ain't robots.

By the way I think it was my good buddy Sack, who had the sack to insult my favorite baseball announcer, the living legend Vin Scully. The only place I learn about the black & white days is from Doughboy's thread and Mr. Scully. Why did you know how many times Joe Dimaggio struck out during his 56 game hitting streak? I didn't know. I learn from the best - answer at the end


To the Tigers fan that loves Miggy (I'm sorry I get these usernames mixed up) you were right, Miggy is simply magnificent. Best hitter since Bonds heyday, better than Pujol's best days and maybe best ever. But I still give last yr's MVP to Trout b/c of his outstanding defense & hitting.

Heard that Tommy took the Braun thing hard. That sucks. I'm not a toldyaso guy, screw that. These peds have just been unnecessary distraction. I want to argue about who's the best on the field, period. But there's all this $$$ involved. Depressing. Sure takes away from the game we grew up in love with.

Well as a Phillies fan (Cubs fans know this) I'm used to grinding. So I'll go back to it. I recommend y'all do the same. Good luck & Peace out my brothers





It was 5 times. FIVE TIMES As Vin so eloquently summed it up, "it was a different time"

[DOUGHBOYS]

Let's check in on the kids....

(It's the annual 'baseball season is over' party for the kids.....)

DOUGHBOYS:
How much did you win, Gekko?

Gekko:
Wouldn't you like to know, DoritoBoy!
I don't tell anybody unless it makes me famous.
Something I'm already on track for!

KJ Duke:
I love this time of year.

Bronx Yankees:
Sure you do, most winners do.

KJ Duke:
Yeah, a little like picking a stock others are afraid of, and reaping the benefits.

Yahoo Kid:
This is crap!
Every year I study hard and never finish better than 10th place. I entered a buncha 50 rounders cuz I thought they'd be easy!

Fourslot40:
What was your method of study?

Yahoo Kid:
I read all my magazines.
I read DOUGHBOYS stuff.
I listened to Mathew Berry.
I listen to Sirius constantly.
Record it, even!
I listen to every show.
I did everything I could to win a league.

DOUGHBOYS:
You know my stuff is as much opinion as numbers, right?

Yahoo Kid:
DUH! I know that.
But I figure the more opinions the better.
Isn't that how adp is developed every year?
More and more opinions of a player?

Outlaw:
By that reckoning, that means if Gekko thinks highly of a player, his vote is in there 30 times!

Gekko:
At least, heh, heh, heh

Happenstance:
I saw a picture of that Greg guy on Sirius.
Man! He looks a lot like our Principal!

ToddZ:
239847948323752938673467398476342982384

Bjoak:
Hey Yahoo Kid, he says that your study should entail WAR, BABIP, DIPS, and K/BB ratios

Yahoo Kid:
Well, tell him he ain't so smart, I need numbers, not letters!
What a MORON!

Bjoak (snickering) 289372093846

Toddz:
9999999999999999999999999

Yahoo Kid:
What'd he say?

Bloak:
You made him laugh. He didn't say that. That is just the way he laughs.

Sack:
How'd you do, Bama?

Bama:
You know, I teamed up with MadCow and....

Sack:
Hold that thought, Bama.
Hey Gekko, I heard you won 10 leagues, way to go!

Gekko:
Those are just the one's you know of!

Poopytooth:
I think I played in a couple of leagues with you, Gekko.
Were you anonymous?

Gekko: (whispering)
This year, I'm not sure, but I think I was the only Anonymous!
It freaked me out so bad that I entered two teams in the same league as Anonymous.
Just so others wouldn't think I was the only Anonymous!

Poopytooth:
How'd you do?

Gekko: (loudly)
I won that league too!
(softly)
Finished 13th too.

Gekko:
So, how'd you do, MadCow?

MadCow:
Well, Bama and I ....

Gekko:
Sorry, gotta go say hello to Raskol, I think I beat him in a couple of leagues....Wanna remind him.

Ando:
Loved your league, Winston's Empire!

Winston's Empire:
I'll bet you did!
Ah well, there is always next year....

headhunters:
cub fans should never play fantasy baseball

Bama:
Hey everybody! It was good seein' y'all.
Me and MadCow are goin' to our rooms to study for next year.
See ya!

Mike the Mouth-
Party Poopers!
Their year they musta sucked bad!

GlennerationX:
That'd be something you know about!

( The crackling of the speakers makes everybody quiet down)

Principal Ambrosius:
I just want you all to know what a great year this was and how we, as your organizers, enjoyed it.
But, now comes the announcement you've all been waiting, the announcement of our Overall Champions in the Main Event!
This year's Main Event Champions were......BAMA and MADCOW!

(If a quiet room could get any more silent, this room did)

(A full 30 seconds)

(A full minute....then)

Gekko:
Sorry guys, I gotta get back to my room and study...

Sack:
Yeah, me too....

DOUGHBOYS:
Yeah, what are we doing here?

(Together in their room)

Bama:
MadCow, I've been saving this for us.

MadCow:
What is it?

Bama: (pouring two glasses)
Frosty's Root Beer. It's hard to find.


MadCow:
Wow!
Now that tastes like the real stuff!

Bama:
There ain't nothin like it.
It goes well with the sweeeet taste of victory!

CONGRATULATIONS KEN AND DAN!!!!!

[MadCow Sez]

Thanks Dan. It was an amazing year. Lots of pieces fell into place and I had a partner who was great at talking me down from premature FAAB eruptions. I'm sure the bus ride with MTM to a certain Vegas venue had something to do with it....but I need to check with Lindy.

[Gekko]

Dan - Yes, won ten out of 30 DC leagues. five 2nds and four 3rds. there were some VERY tight races for first, and i was fortunate to have squeaked a couple of them out. will try better next year.

ps - i'm glad i didn't listen to you when you said there was no way gattis was going to catch for the braves this year

[Gekko]

Here's my 30 1st round picks. thought i'd try something different by taking pitchers in the first round in 16 of my 30 leagues. overall, i didn't do a good job of getting 1st round talent.

Ryan Braun Mil (LF)
Ryan Braun Mil (LF)
Ryan Braun Mil (LF)
Ryan Braun Mil (LF)
Miguel Cabrera Det (3B)
Miguel Cabrera Det (3B)
Miguel Cabrera Det (3B)
Robinson Cano NYY (2B)
Prince Fielder Det (1B)
Andrew McCutchen Pit (CF)
Andrew McCutchen Pit (CF)
Andrew McCutchen Pit (CF)
Andrew McCutchen Pit (CF)
Stephen Strasburg Was (SP)
Stephen Strasburg Was (SP)
Stephen Strasburg Was (SP)
Stephen Strasburg Was (SP)
Stephen Strasburg Was (SP)
Stephen Strasburg Was (SP)
Stephen Strasburg Was (SP)
Stephen Strasburg Was (SP)
Stephen Strasburg Was (SP)
Stephen Strasburg Was (SP)
Mike Trout LAA (CF)
Justin Verlander Det (SP)
Justin Verlander Det (SP)
Justin Verlander Det (SP)
Justin Verlander Det (SP)
Justin Verlander Det (SP)
Justin Verlander Det (SP)

[Bronx Yankees]

Dan - Yes, won ten out of 30 DC leagues. five 2nds and four 3rds. there were some VERY tight races for first, and i was fortunate to have squeaked a couple of them out. will try better next year.

ps - i'm glad i didn't listen to you when you said there was no way gattis was going to catch for the braves this year

Mark: Winning 10 out of 30 DC leagues and cashing in 19 out of 30 is awesome. Congrats. I hope I get to draft with you again this coming season. Not only do you draft really well, you help keep things moving.

Mike

[DOUGHBOYS]

Dan - Yes, won ten out of 30 DC leagues. five 2nds and four 3rds. there were some VERY tight races for first, and i was fortunate to have squeaked a couple of them out. will try better next year.

ps - i'm glad i didn't listen to you when you said there was no way gattis was going to catch for the braves this year

That's a great season, Mark!
You know how I like taking potshots at your persona, but there is no doubt when it comes to your fantasy abilities.
Just today, I was calling you the 'Phil Helmuth of fantasy'. It got laugh and has a large ring of truth to it.

[DOUGHBOYS]

Thanks Dan. It was an amazing year. Lots of pieces fell into place and I had a partner who was great at talking me down from premature FAAB eruptions. I'm sure the bus ride with MTM to a certain Vegas venue had something to do with it....but I need to check with Lindy.

Good things come to good people....so wait a minute...how did Ken Win?
I'm just joshing, I get such a kick drafting with Ken.

Maybe others don't know or haven't drafted with Ken....here is what it like....

FACILITATOR-
Ken, you have 20 seconds

FACILITATOR-
10 seconds, Ken.

Ken-
You know..... How 'bout CC Sabathia?.... Is that good?
His delivery is like butter and it's like he's raising a hand in poker that we were comfortable with.
And now, we have the feeling we're screwed.

[DOUGHBOYS]

Let's check in on the kids.....

All In JD:
Have you guys heard about the BIG Draft?

DOUGHBOYS:
Every draft is BIG.

Edwards Kings:
Yeah. Why is it bigger, just because more money is on it?

KJ Duke:
That's true. A football game is just a football game, until we have some skin in it.
The more skin, the bigger we make out the game to be.

GlennerationX:
Ha! So the draft isn't big, just the money!

Edwards Kings:
Now you got it!

Quahogs:
Ya know it's a big money draft when guys from the East side of Camp have to partner with others!

Gekko:
They say they're doing it to increase knowledge in the draft. Whatta bunch of hooey!

BK Mets:
Yeah, these guys never asked for partners before!

ToddZ:
32488629488

Bjoak: (laughing)
He says it is not as much about doubling knowledge as much as it is halving the costs!

Dak:
I want the adp from this draft!

Deadheadz:
I can be the timer for this draft!

Mad Cow:
I don't know. A partnership didn't seem too much like a bad idea for the Main last year, did it, Champ!

Bama:
No Suh, Champ. Not at all!

Quahogs:
It still makes for strange bedfellows! Look at Mike the Mouth and LaJolla!

Ando:
Mike the Mouth and La Jolla are bedfellows? Yuck!!!

NorCalAtlFan:
Don we now are gay apparel...

Quahogs:
That's not what I meant!

KJ Duke:
Does this make La Jolla, Mike the Mouth's Beach!?

Rog:
Sssh! Here comes La Jolla!

La Jolla:
How you Boys doing?

Outlaw:
Are the rumors true? You and Mike the Mouth are pairing up?

(snickers around)

La Jolla:
It is. I think Mike the Mouth is one of the better fantasy players. Just underrated.

Bronx Yankees:
I heard he was the only drafters ever to finish 16th in a 15 team league.

JohnP:
I heard that he got negative points for pitchers one year.

La Jolla:
See!
It's jokes like those that make others think that he is not a good fantasy player, when in reality, he is one of the best.
At the end of the season, some of you guys will be licking your wounds and apologizing to Mike The Mouth.

DOUGHBOYS:
Good luck, La Jolla. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to Mike the Mouth. The bus should be here any moment to take us to our families for Christmas vacation.

Winston's Empire:
Here comes the bus now!

Money:
Everybody get in lines of 12 to board the bus!

Captain Hook:
Hey! That bus driver looks familiar!

(The bus doors fly open:)

Bus Driver:
Merry Christmas you little Bastards! Everybody get in the bus and shut up!
Harrumph!

headhunter:
Aren't you?.....

Bus Drivers:
Walla Walla? Yeah, it's me. And you know what?
I won't quit till each and every one of you little bastards is enjoying Christmas with their families!
All Aboard!

(The bus drives out of sight)


La Jolla:
Mike, we're the only two left in Camp.

Mike the Mouth:
I know. We have access to all the archives and the Camp library. While everybody else is 'warm and cozying' with their families, I'm working.

La Jolla:
What is that you're working on, there?

Mike the Mouth:
First things first. I photocopied my middle finger with a tiny wreath around it and wrote 'MERRY CHRISTMAS' above it, and sent that as a Christmas Card to everyone in our draft.

La Jolla:
(Laughing) That's very Grinchy of you.

Mike the Mouth:
No, my friend. I'll be worse than the Grinch. We're going to study 24/7 over the Christmas Holidays.
24/7 !!!
While they're drinking eggnog, I'll be drinking Drafting kool-aid!

La Jolla:
Umm, that doesn't make sense...

Mike the Mouth:
I don't have to make sense. I'm Mike the Mouth, dammit!
Ok, let me put it this way...
The Grinch stole Christmas from folks. I intend to hurt these kids more.
I'M GOING TO STEAL THEIR DRAFT!
We are going to be CHAMPS!
MUHAHAMUHAMUHAHAHA!

(lA Jolla walks out of earshot of Mike the Mouth, and looks up)

La Jolla:
Lord, I don't ask for much...Oh, and by the way, Happy Birthday!
But, you didn't leave me much choice.
I could have rode out of Camp with a possible Madman behind the wheel or spend two weeks alone over Christmas vacation with a man maniacal about winning our draft.
Help me Lord through these two weeks and please let us both come out of it without killing each other.
Give me the strength to teach him about pitchers. And how they compile half the stats.
And also to let him know in a gentle way that FAAB is not to be spent like a kid with a dollar at a candy store.
Give me some kind of sign that your listening, Lord.
Please.

(Mike the Mouth walks toward La Jolla)

Mike the Mouth:
I've been doing some studying. Looked back at a couple of old drafts from CC's Desperado's and he actually took pitching in the first 10 rounds!!!!
You think that could work for us?

La Jolla:
(Looking up)
Thanks Lord, Happy Birthday!

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!!!

[Baseball Furies]

Classic stuff as always, Dough. Just for the record, I do occasionally take pitchers, but what is this "FAAB" you speak of? I may have to learn about that in time for the draft. Sounds important.

[ALL-IN JD]

That is some funny sheet Dan!!!

[la Jolla]

Too damn funny Dan. I get some of my best laughs reading these boards. Good stuff!

[Outlaw]

Merry Christmas Dough...Good stuff as it always is!! Merry Xams to everyone else also and your families.

[Winston's Empire]

So good Dough! I'm in a draft with MTM now and loved it when I saw him take his first pitcher in the 7th round! He did text me the other day that his team is a shoe in for the DC Overall, so that's nice! Merry Christmas!