A Little Secret!

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Edwards Kings
Posts: 5739
Joined: Sun Mar 14, 2004 6:00 pm
Location: Duluth, Georgia

A Little Secret!

Post by Edwards Kings » Fri Aug 21, 2020 5:06 pm

While we were waiting, wondering if we were EVER gonna get baseball, I found something in my basement. Stuck in the corner was an old bag that I used to haul around my bats, gloves, etc. In the bag was one, left shoe from a pair of cleats. It was kinda muddy and I did not recognize it. To see if I could jog my memory, I grabbed an old jock (after putting on an old batting glove) and started to remove the mud....

Then, with a flash (and a small, but definitely pungent wiff of stale corn chips) out popped a genie no bigger than Eddie Gaedel. He was even wearing an old Seattle Pilots uniform. Before I could run, but after I wet myself, the genie spits and says...

"Thank you for releasing me! I will now grant you three wishes but know the one thing I cannot do is make you a professional baseball player...that one you got to do on your own, and I would know hold my breath on that one chubby!"

I said "Really (asshole)! Well I am the best fantasy baseball player in the world, so what you do for me there?"

The genie replied "The best in the world, huh? Ok, let's go with that...You got any drafts coming up? If so, I can let you have two #1 picks. Only two, and it will cost you two of your wishes."

I said "Thanks (for a guy who lives in my shoe in my basement, you are pretty much a shithead)! Let's go with that! For my third, how about sex?"

The genie spit again and said "Nope, you are not my type (pervert)."

"No, no... not you, Smelly! I just want to get screwed!"

Okay, okay...that will be your third wish...but they have to come in order...First, you get one #1 draft pick for wish #1 and so on...Got it dingus or do I need to draw you a map?"

I said "Great...That will be all I need to get over the top! Thanks!"

And the genie disappeared....

Sure enough, I got two #1 picks...after my last draft, the genie reappeared.

"Well, how did you do, Einstien?"

I said "Ha! I got Ronald Acuna for one, and Christian Yelich for the other!"

Old Smelly said "Well, there you go!"

I said, "What do you mean?"

"You're screwed!"
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Ok...I telegraphed the hell out of that one, but it is how I feel....
Baseball is a slow, boring, complex, cerebral game that doesn't lend itself to histrionics. You 'take in' a baseball game, something odd to say about a football or basketball game, with the clock running and the bodies flying.
Charles Krauthammer

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