NFBC Message Boards

RotoNews provides the material, the rest is easy...



This first one isn't from RotoNews, rather, an e-mail sent from my daughter....



Hey dad, is this guy a player you like? (Followed by this "news" story from an entertainment site)



'It turns out Rhianna and her fresh meat, Matt Kemp, were headed to Mexico for a vacay. Keep reading after the jump for more pictures (an accompanying picture of them smooching on a beach went with the story) of the couple sucking face. Guess it gets too hot and heavy for the couple because they shed their clothes before they hit the pool and sauna.'



Reply to my daughter-



Apparently I don't like him as much as Rhianna.



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'Geovany Soto has lost 40 pounds since the 2009 season ended'



And so it begins, the great weight losses and incredible shape and arm stories.



I wonder though, if this isn't just an aftereffect of no longer having the munchies.



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' Matt Stairs, 41, has lost almost 40 pounds on the nutrisystem diet'.



Well, those endless commercials during football season worked on somebody.

Sad that being a professional athlete that Stairs waited till he was 41 to get in shape.



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'Mets GM Omar Minaya said that center field will be an open competition for Angel Pagan and Gary Matthews Jr.'



This news just has to have Mets fans salivating for the season to begin



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'Miguel Cabrera has been on alcohol rehab program since the season ended....'



Miguel Cabrera, Josh Hamilton, and Greg Ambrosius walk into a bar.......you finish the joke.....

Bobby Jenks appeared at the annual SoxFest event in good shape, according to Scot Gregor of the Arlington Heights Daily Herald.

"He looks the best I've ever seen him," said general manager Kenny Williams. "I'm really proud of this guy. We're in a good place with Bobby Jenks."

'Ben Sheets is seeking a guaranteed contract of eight million dollars a year'



A lot of people think it takes balls to ask for ANY guaranteed contract with Sheets medical history.



The definition of balls is coming home at three in the morning, wreaking of another womans perfume, walking past the disapproving wife with a slap on the ass and exclaiming, "You're next, chubby!"





Sheets hasn't reached that stage yet, but is close. There are two GM's named Minaya and Moore. I'll bet GM's will be wishing they had some free insurance for that sign.

doughy,



cant wait to read your remarks on the oliver perez news that he was "all fired up" about his bullpen session. kinda like his owners were last year. wow, was he bad. that is a player that will NEVER see my roster....ever!! oh thats right he has awesome potential and he was hurt last year...boy i hope some sap takes him in my league atleast i know i would get 2 points in era and whip!!!

You asked for it, you got it, Rick.



'Oliver Perez was fired up after throwing his first bullpen session'



Oliver Wendall Douglas (Green Acres)

Oliver Hardy (Laurel and Hardy)

Oliver Perez (pitcher)



One thing these three men have in common besides their first name?



Their ability to make us laugh.



Perez went to the athletes combine in Arizona this off season and proclaimed himself in shape. By doing so, he dropped 15 pounds.



Good news? Perez looks better

Bad news? With the loss of weight, Perez becomes one of the few pitchers in baseball to have a larger WHIP (192) than weight (190)



By the way, his 682 ERA, even with Oliver Hardy's girth, would outdistance the weight of all three Oliver's.



Another, by the way, if the Mets play the Diamondbacks this year with Perez pitching and Kelly Johnson in the lineup, DON'T MISS IT.

It is worth the price of admission.

didn't sheets just get 10 million guaranteed from the smartest gm in baseball? i am probably an army of one- i like that signing. of course sheets will need to pitch about 150 good inning to make it worthwhile but i would rather risk the $ there than say 200 million on a. soriano.

and the "spin" or lack thereof(rotoworld snipet today) continues. go ahead and keep thinking i am gonna "buy" into it. i hope people are smarter than that. lets go ahead and change mechanics...landing style...arm angle etc and see how it works for him. i guess it cant hurt when you are desperate. the next snipet will be tj surgery. lets see how it works for him.

'Brad Ausmus Staying in L.A.'



Ausmus has caught Cy Young, Walter Johnson, Bob Feller, and Sandy Koufax.

He has amassed 80 home runs during his loooong career, most of those came after the dead ball era.

He'll go down as one of the very few catchers to have more lifetime stolen bases (102) than home runs, even stealing a base against "The Babe".

Ausmus uniform will be especially tailored this year with the first letter of Dodgers changed to a C.

Taken from an article about the incident:



'Here is the recap of the Gerald Laird and family incident. Laird's grandpa, already intoxicated, as were all the Lairds, touched Celtic's player Eddie House's wife "inappropriately" while in the arena's "lounge area".



Brandon Laird, a 22 year old minor league prospect and Gerald's brother, then started shouting deroggatory comments at Mrs. House and other women before taking a swing at one of them. A brawl followed and Gerald Laird was arrested for hitting a security officer in the head from behind.'



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1) Now, we can expect from RotoNews that Laird has not drank since this incident and is in rehab. Miguel Cabrera knows a good one.

Nobody parties like those Tigers!



2) Don't waste your time scouting Brandon Laird. I don't know what is worse, hitting a woman or attempting to hit a woman and missing.

Either way, he loses way too many man points.



3) Gerald Laird can hit something. That's progress, right?



4) A letter Gerald Laird received shortly after:



Hey Gerald, just got done reading about you in the paper. Those basketball players wives sure are snooty aren't they? Hope you got the case of whiskey that I sent.

See you in February.



Regards, Alex Avila



[ January 28, 2010, 12:02 PM: Message edited by: DOUGHBOYS ]

Originally posted by DOUGHBOYS:



The definition of balls is coming home at three in the morning, wreaking of another womans perfume, walking past the disapproving wife with a slap on the ass and exclaiming, "You're next, chubby!"

It's been a while since I laughed this hard! I sooooo want to repost this, but fear I'll offend some chubby women. BAH...that's never stopped me before!

'Brian Giles agent says 8 to 10 teams are eyeing Giles'



Have you ever played the Dead and alive' game? The game where you select older celebrities and ask if they're dead or alive?



For example, Barbara Billingsley, of 'Leave it to Beaver' fame. If you answered alive, you are correct, still kicking at 95.



Baseball 'dead or alive' is closely matched to that game. Child's play for fantasy and major baseball fans, but tough for casual fans.



For example, Paul LoDuca would be considered 'dead' by most baseball fans, but we know he is alive with a minor league contract with the Rockies. Same with Jim Edmonds and a handful of others.



Not to be confused with 'Zombies' or the walking dead. Giles fits in this category, as does Jamie Moyer, Edgar Renteria, and Jason Kendall. These are guys that should be dead, but some GM just couldn't pull the plug,leaving them on life support.



Anyway, before Giles agent came out with this sound byte, only 8 to 10 GM's in baseball considered Giles 'alive', let alone eyeing him. Nice try by the agent to find that one GM who will keep him on a ventilator.

But do the right thing, man, it is time to pull the plug. Just let the man go peacefully.



As a throw in for 'dead and alive' players-

The entire cast of 'Bonanza' is gone, Hop Sing included.



On the other hand, besides Hugh Beaumont, the entire cast of 'Leave it to Beaver' survives, even Eddie Haskell and Lumpy.