Visiting Old Doc Grumpypants

[DOUGHBOYS]

Kenley Jansen: How long do I have, Doc?

Doc: Six months.

Kenley: Productive months?

Doc: If you keep yourself in good shape.

Kenley: I've done that, and still not lasted six months before.

Doc: Then I wouldn't draft you. NEXT!

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Joba: This is gonna be my year!

Doc: You sound like a Cub.

Joba: Did you know I was the number one pitcher in the Forecaster?

Doc: Yep, I cancelled my subscription that year.

Joba: Remember, once I possess a skill...

Doc: Trampolines are not a skill set. NEXT!

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ARod: I hurt everywhere!

Doc: Except your pocketbook.

ARod: You gotta fix me, Doc, I'm sinking fast.

Doc: Like your average.

ARod: What is your diagnosis, Doc.

Doc: I'm sorry Son, you have MainLimbPhobia.

ARod: MainLimbPhobia? Is that serious?

Doc: You'll never hit a right hander again. NEXT!

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Lincecum: Can you help me, Doc?

Doc: With what?

Lincecum: My fastball used to be mid 90's. Now it's high 80's or at most, low 90's.

Doc: Cut your hair.

Lincecum: Will that get my fastball back?

Doc: No.

Lincecum: Then why should I cut my hair?

Doc: Kid, the World loves a goofy looking winner, they hate goofy looking losers. NEXT!

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Guillen: I'm Latin! They're supposed to love me here!

Doc: I'm sure they respect you....just as you respect Castro.

Guillen: Castro was slandered and hated, but never killed!

Doc: I guess you and him have a lot in common. NEXT!

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Doc: What's your name, Son?

Stanton: Giancarlo.

Doc: Last time you came in here, your name was Mike, not good enough for ya?

Stanton: As a boy, I went by Giancarlo.

Doc: I went by Elm Street the other day, I didn't take it as a name.

Stanton: No, no. It's my given name.

Doc: You should give it to somebody else!

Stanton: Is there a way I can stay healthy for six months?

Doc: Yep. Next year, tell everybody your name is Gehrig or Ripken. NEXT!