My Fantasy Bible....A Short Story

[DOUGHBOYS]

'My Fantasy Bible'
Chapter One- 'The Past'

I know I am a god fantasy baseball player. I did pretty good in some Yahoo Leagues.
Even won a CBS League.
I like watching baseball. And that interest has transformed me into fantasy.
I'm not much on the sabrmetrics part of the game. I don't care about BABIP, near as much as my players knocking in some runs, going deep, and stealing a base.
That is what roto players are looking for, no?

The realist in me says that luck plays a large part in the game. I don't have to know EVERYTHING about EVERY number.
If I can get my players right, I can get as lucky as any other fantasy player.
After finishing second in a Yahoo League, I started looking for bigger fish to fry.
I saw an NFBC ad.
I thought it was time to put my money where my big mouth was. Afterall, I let all those know-it-alls in my Yahoo League really have it when I finished second.
Then, when I won my CBS League, well, I thought I had reached the pinnacle in fantasy baseball.
Not just anybody plays in these CBS Leagues, y'know.
I've even heard that Brandon Funston has a secret team there.

Believing there is more than one way to win a league, has me way ahead of most of my competition. Like I said before, I believe in luck and that luck is the number one way to win.
Show me one guy who has won any fantasy league without luck and I'll show you a fraud.
The fantasy experts all say that study is of utmost importance. They say this to sell the magazines that I buy.
I get it.
But if one writer tells me to draft Andrew McCutchen because of some sabr stat, I have to ask myself...
"Self! Do you want to depend on this writers calculations or depend on the luck that McCutchen will not get hurt?"
I mean really, what does all his calculations mean, if McCutchen is just gonna get hurt?
Luck over sabr, anytime.

I have to tell you this joke....
Three guys thought to be crazy are brought to a mental doctor for testing.
The first question to the first patient is, "What is three times three?"
"156!" The first patient answers.
The same question is asked of the second patient...
"Tuesday!"
The Doctor turns to the third patient, not expecting good results, and asked the same question...
"Nine!"
"Nice job!", the Doctor says, "How did you get that answer?"
"Easy", the patient replied, "I just subtracted Tuesday from 156!"

That's a funny joke, but also to me, it suggests that we can find the answer totally through luck.
It also expresses that there is more than one way to come up with an answer.
The third patient used luck. A mathemetician or sabr guy would use their skills.
Either way, does it really matter how?
As long as we have the answer to win a fantasy league, it doesn't matter how we arrived at the answer, no?

Some people make fun of me. I LOVE fantasy baseball. Even twice as much as real baseball.
Maybe three times as much, I don't know.
While I like watching baseball, studying it and remembering stats just isn't my thing.
Jim Rice means as much to me as Condoleeza Rice.
A Baby Ruth candy bar means more to me than Babe Ruth.
Players from the past can't help my fantasy team. Why should I care about them?

It is strange to me that fans can say, "Yeah, remember Tom Seaver in '69?"
WHO CARES?
Seaver is gone. Jake degrom means more to me than Tom Seaver.
Probably throws twice as hard as Seaver too.
Maybe three times as hard, I don't know.
Those old guys are so overrated.
Besides, they are DONE.
I have enough to do in studying ADP. Worrying about old players is for losers.

ADP is the biggest stat I study.
The NFBC invented it.
I just wish they would use that ADP as a 'go to' in the draft room. It sure would make it easier for me to know who to pick next.
Knowing WHERE to draft Andrew McCutchen is twice as important as knowing his BABIP.
Maybe three times as important, I don't know.

ADP lets me know what every other drafter is thinking.
It gives me insight into each and every drafter's mind.
Do they like Anthony Rendon more than me?
ADP lets me know.
Where can I get Jered Weaver?
ADP lets me know.
Why waste a 36th round pick on AJ Griffin, when ADP lets me know I can get him two rounds later?
ADP, by far, is the most important thing for me to know.

Chapter Two to come....

[swampass]

HA! I love that 3 times 3 joke. I may have to borrow it.

Interesting thoughts on luck. I was and have been a supporter of luck being a major factor not only in fantasy baseball but life itself. My father likes to say that he would rather be lucky than good. Since joining the NFBC 8 years ago and doing the main event for 7 of those years I couldnt help but notice one man seemingly throwing that "luck" thought into my face on a regular basis. That man is one Lindy Hinkleman. I'm simply flabbergasted by this unstoppable force. I had the pleasure but of course misery of being in a league with him one year. I was excited yet terrified. He of course won the league but my co-manager and I came in 3rd and beat some big names that year and we felt like we gave him a decent run, but in the end his consistency of just not making mistakes was too much. Nothing about his draft or seemingly even his pickups blew you away but it felt like 9 times out of 10 when you were looking for that random guy who just had a huge game and seemingly was set for success you would see that lindy had picked him up the week or 2 weeks prior. luck is a factor because not every pick up panned out but his bids were usually just enough to get people and I felt like he had 0 mistakes on drops

I know this post goes into extreme sarcasm and im looking forward to seeing where you go with it but Id be interested in knowing if the people who have the largest success in this game have any kind of math or statistical analysis background.

thanks for all the rants. always a great way to pass the time and get a little taste of baseball in the offseason.

[DOUGHBOYS]

Glad you are enjoying.
This short story is not sarcastic as much as it is from the mind of a player who is trying to make the transformation from free leagues and home leagues to the NFBC.
In near-diary terms, this is about a fella who wants to win NFBC Leagues, but has a tough time letting go of his free league thought processes.
This character is fictional and if finding resemblance, it is pure coincidental....or on purpose.
Most of us have been there.....

[DOUGHBOYS]

'My Fantasy Bible'
Chapter Two- The Message Boards

I've never seen Message Boards like those of the NFBC.
Most Message Boards are guys touting a player.
A guy who calls others 'fags' to somehow enhance an argument or make himself feel more manly and in the process makes others think less of him.
Or, a lot of messages from hosts, promoting games in trying to extract more dollars from our pockets.
There is little of this stuff on the NFBC Boards. I mean sure, there are personal arguments and name calling, but it's usually about something personal, not over what one thinks about a fantasy player.

The NFBC Boards does have Big Mouths. There's a guy named DOUGHBOYS that is always posting some kind of crap.
He goes on rants about Joey Votto or the word 'value' or ADP, and other meaningless drivel.
I could care less what he says. To me, he's a big blowhard.
Why should I feel any less about Joey Votto than any other player? He says he walks too much!
Walking is a good thing!
Players score runs when they walk!
He doesn't get it.
AND, for some reason, he is against ADP and getting value!
If I get a player with an ADP of 90 in the seventh round, I HAVE WON!
What is he even talking about?
I truly believe that he wants other players to take players way too soon so that he can get all the value picks.
I wouldn't put it past him. Jerk.

There are also other Message Board vets who are only there to steer newbies or near newbies in the wrong direction.
KJ Duke thinks he is so smart. He comes up with ideas and everybody goes "Ooooooh, good idea!"
Sometimes, I think they are guppies to his shark.
He seems to have everybody in the palm of his hands. He manipulates the strings and they are his puppets.
Sad.

Then, there is the former bully, Gekko. Gekko has changed from bully to 'smart guy'.
He wants everybody to know how smart he is by always reminding drafters of the pain they will feel when in his draft.
He wants to give people the impression that they are all on different levels, while he watches them from the top.
Arrogant.

Then, there is the current bully, Mike the Mouth.
He's the tough guy. If crossing him, you will get a tirade of bold letters and a long diatribe in trying to belittle a poor fellow.
And, the sad thing is that others like DOUGHBOYS, KJ, and others seem to enjoy it.
They act like they're really cool.

This is all moderated by Greg and Tom. If things get waaaaay to personal, they will delete bad threads or messages.
Usually, they try to defend their IT team.
Everybody seems to have a beef with one form of IT or another.
Greg gets himself in trouble by promising a nice improvement, but it always shows up months after promised.
Then, the Message Boards start with terse comments that last until the new improvements are made.
Right now, it is about a new draft room.
Greg likes that the new room will have pictures of players.
Heck, I even know what most players already look like.
How is that an improvement?

On whole, the Message Boards are kind of cool.
Sure, they have 'experts' like Zola or Childs or others acting like big shots in answering questions.
When I see these questions and answers, I think to myself, "I thought these guys are the best? Why do they have to ask 'experts' questions?"


The Message Boards are kind of cool, sure, but at the same time, I don't feel like I fit in.
It's a little like being back at High School again.
I feel like I have to be one of the cool kids to post a lot.
I don't feel like I'm one of the cool kids yet.
I feel like I have to win before somebody takes me seriously.
New guys like me have a hard time fitting in. Almost like we have to go to the 'nerds table' and have to endure the laughter coming from the 'jocks table'.
One of these days, I will be King of the Message Boards.
All I have to do is say some smart stuff like Zola or Childs, win a couple of leagues, and I will get all the respect I need.
Next year at this time, I will have walked away from the nerds table, pass the jocks table, and take my seat as King of the Message Boards.
This, will happen.

[DOUGHBOYS]

'My Fantasy Bible
Chapter Three- Study and Aspirations


I got my Baseball Forecaster today. Now, I can get serious about winning NFBC Leagues this year. I won an NFBC League once.
But, I've lost more money than I've won.
A lot more.
This year is gonna be different.
Still, I'm not gonna change from my personal beliefs or philosophies.

I believe that multi-positional players are key for me. I have done a couple of the $150 Draft Champions and have made sure to get all these players I can. Especially the players that give me value by getting them later than their adp.
DOUGHBOYS is full of crap when he says there is no value.
Total crap.
If I can get a guy like Ben Zobrist in the 18th round, THAT is value.
Screw Him.
There is a joke...it goes like this...
A teenage kid is staying over at his grandma's for two weeks. He goes out with his friends and notices that his drug of choice is not in his coat pocket.
Arriving back home, he sees his grandma sitting in her chair, knitting.
"Grandma, have you seen a little bottle?
It was marked 'LSD' on the side."
The grandma looked up from her knitting, smiled, and said, "No"
The kid replied, "Ok" and continued looking for his bottle.
"Sonny?", the Grandma said.
Aren't you gonna ask me about all these snakes in my lap?"
We know where the LSD went. Well, in the NFBC, we all know where the best players are.
My players just have to be better than others.

There is an advantage I have over most NFBC players.
I'm single.
I get up in the morning and go to my job. There is a lot of 'down time' with my job. I take this opportunity to delve into magazines and keep track of drafts and sites on my phone.
RotoWorld is huge. They keep me up to date with any injury or trades. Their opinions are wonderful.
I keep track of these players during my time at work. I come home, have some dinner, study or draft in a DC, and look at the Message Boards.
And I study more.
I was going to study on rbi tonight, but with the Forecaster here, that changes.
With the Forecaster here, I can match 'my' players to Shandlers to see if I'm right on my choice of player.
After reading all of the snipets to compare 'my' players to the Forecaster's, I will browse the rest of the book.
One thing I do not understand about the Forecaster is how it doesn't rank multi-positional players higher.
Maybe their value is only known to me.


I know I can be one of the best. I know I can.
Nobody works harder than me.
Childs, Jupinka, Lindy, DiDonato, I think they are smart, but they had a lot of luck too. Mostly in the right place at the right time. If I had been there when the NFBC started, I would probably be with them in the Hall of Fame right now.
And KJ, Gekko, Dough, and Lowy are mostly just smartass talkers more than players.
I KNOW I can beat them.
While they're doing family things, I'll be studying.
When they're working hard at their jobs, I'll be slacking, but studying.

Ok,first round, why would I take Jose Bautista when Anthony Rendon is there?
I get a five category guy that scores more than Hugh Hefner.
AND, he's available in two positions!
Winner!
The Bautista drafter gets four categories and the crappy OF designation.
DUH!
I've already studied runs scored and Rendon is even better than Trout!
I'm getting a first pick guy at two positions.
I am so far ahead of the rest of the players.
And the best part?
They won't know what hit them.

Having a few Draft Championships under my belt, I know where most of 'my' players are going.
Todd Frazier in the third round. Carlos Santana in the fifth round. Harrison, Bogaerts, these are all my players.
My magazines don't seem to give enough love to these players either.
They only mention it in passing that they are multi-positional, as if it is just a small bonus or something.
It's a big deal!
When I'm making out my lineups on a Monday or Friday, my team has it all over every team in every league.
Ha! Try putting Bautista in a different place, Suckas!

I really like the NFBC.
The study I put in has me really feeling good about my chances this year.
Not getting into the NFBC when it started has put me a little behind the 8-ball.
So, I am on the five-year plan. A little like a new Manager in baseball.
He has a plan to increase Wins and his respectability. That is my plan with the NFBC.
In five years, Greg will be introducing me as the next Hall of Fame recipient. Which will only be right since I will be the first team to ever get first, second, third, fourth, and fifth place in a DC Championship.
Something like that, can never be topped.
I'll be back at the end of the year to fill you in on my progress.......