Draft Champions

[DOUGHBOYS]

The Draft Champions Leagues should be over for just about everybody by now.
I have one left that is dying a slow death.
Draft Champion drafts, or 'slow drafts' are a test for our character.
Most do not move at the pace we like.
If just making a pick and checking in a few hours later to see progress is slow, we are disappointed.
If almost ready to go to bed still five picks away and wake up to see our pick was auto'd, we are disappointed.
If we are one pick away and start staring at the page, as if that will help make it our turn, we are disappointed.

Besides the pace, the chat can be both slow/hilarious/tedious/ridiculous/fun.
My favorite guy is the 'Obnoxious Cheerleader'.
This fella always has an agenda. He wants everybody to be fast so he can pick again.
Yet, when it's his turn, the world can stop.
Almost as if saying, "Everybody hurry up, so you can wait on my pick!"
This is the same guy at a party who has a group of guys around him telling them about his sexual prowess and large appendage, while in the other room, his wife is explaining to her friends that a divorce looks imminent because she isn't being satisfied by her husband.
The Obnoxious Cheerleader will keep the hurry up rhetoric going in a draft until confronted.
And usually he is confronted by 'Entitled Guy'.

The Entitled Guy signed up for a two or four hour draft and, by golly, if he wants to use his two or fours hours, he'll say that it is his right.
The Entitled Guy may even say, "I have a life!"
Which 14 other drafters already know is untrue by his mere presence in the draft room.
The Entitled Guy usually does not agree with any other drafters. His thought process is not one of a fantasy baseball player, it is more along the lines of somebody taking the time to draw up a dozen pickets and march for a cause on a Saturday afternoon, while the 14 others are following the exploits of players drafted.
The Entitled Guy will have several unkind words for The Obnoxious Cheerleader providing hilarity and tedium for drafters.

The 'Entitled Guy' has a cousin, 'The ST Guy'.
The ST Guy lives and dies by Spring Training.
Just a few years ago, he had Greg Bird on every team.
It wasn't his fault that Bird's super-Spring was followed by injury.
The ST Guy has never come close to winning a league and can't figure out why.
This year, he was cagey in not selecting a player till the clock turned red with 10 seconds to go on several picks.
After all, somebody may hit a homer and be an immediate selection.
This year, Martin Perz, Jung Ho Kang, and Austin Hays are on all his teams.
He can't lose!

We also have The Vandal.
The Vandal stays incognito. He never chats. And times out a lot.
It drives other drafters crazy.
And it doesn't matter if it is a one, two hour, or four hour draft. He used to do this in the eight hour drafts as well.
His virtual spray painting of a draft drives other drafters to post unkind words for him.
He never responds.
The Obnoxious Cheerleader is most offended. He'll swear and cuss at The Vandal.
No reply.
Then, late in the draft, as if The Grinch suddenly having a heart, The Vandal will put his team on Auto for a round.
Then go back to his old tricks.
As if to taunt.

Then, 'Chatty Guy'.(guilty).
Chatty Guy will be bored and have nothing to do for awhile, so he takes it out on his draft cohorts.
Trivia questions, thoughts on players, his family, his schedule, his drinking habits....
Nothing is spared by this guy who bores everybody to tears on FaceBook and finds a new home in the DC.
Chatty Guy will upset both the Obnoxious Cheerleader and The Entitled Guy.
When saying too many words, drafters, eventually will be peeved.

Amazingly, all these drafts conclude and we are left with our teams.
For those of us who drafted early, a glance at our team usually is followed by a "What the F... was I thinking?"
The masterpiece we had painted earlier is now tainted by injury and minor league trips.
We are, almost, left asking ourselves, "Why do we do this again?"
But, then we'd have to answer ourselves.
That would make us a little crazy. Which, coincidentally, is also the answer to our question.

[rockitsauce]

who doesn't love Chatty guy