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30 out of the box looks at 30 teams......

Tampa-
This team poops pitchers. Don't change a thing there.
Their problem is that their shortstops remain healthy. Brignac and Johnson have killed them at the position.
In the meantime, they can't keep Longoria healthy.
Switch Longoria to first base. He hits like one and maybe he stops getting hurt.
Sign Keppinger and trade for Bonifacio. Then Maddon can rotate Zobrist, Keppinger, and Bonifacio to make him seem like an even smarter Manager, but more importantly, giving each player 2B, 3B, and SS eligibility for fantasy.

New York-
BORING! That is what the Yankees have become since King George passed.
At the least, Nick Swisher gave them a pulse.
Sign Josh Hamilton and let him see if he can find God in NYC.
Even if he can't, I know he can find that right field porch.
Besides, the New York press needs a new punching bag.
I picture ARod working out in a house of mirrors.
'Mirror, mirror on the wall....'

Boston-
I can't picture Jacoby Ellsbury as a Yaz, Williams, or Rice type of guy that stays in the Red Sox organization.
I can picture him ending up like Grady Little, er, I mean Grady Sizemore (sorry Boston).
Trade him to a team before all the air is out of his balloon.
Convince Magic Johnson that Josh Beckett pitches better with John Lackey around.
Tell him that Lackey puts up numbers in the L.A. area like , well, Magic Johnson.
They sell chicken and beer in L.A., don't they?

Toronto-
The Blue Marlins treated the Marlins like the Braves treat the Royals.
The Marlins and Royals are their bitches.
Some theorize that Bautista has undetectable PED's that he shared with Encarnacion.
If so, if he'll share further, Jose Reyes could be the first pick of 2014 fantasy drafts.

Baltimore-
Other East teams still shake their heads. 'We got beat by a team with Jason Hammel as its ace.'
Dylan Bundy is getting the Trevor Bauer buildup this year. If he comes through, he'll move ahead of 'Al' and 'Theodore' on the Google search list of Bundy's.

Minnesota-
Josh Willingham hit better than expected.
Joe Mauer had a great year.
And Morneau came back from his concussion.
Minnesota had good news from all their worries.
Now, they just need to find 22 other players.

Detroit-
Torii Hunter replaces Delmon Young.
Like replacing a new Kia with a '67 Mustang

White Sox-
Comeback year from Dunn. A wonderful year from Sale.
Career years from Pyrzynski, Viciedo, and Rios..... and they still didn't beat the Tigers.
Youkilis, Konerko, Dunn, Pyrzinski...'Robin Ventura, 'Vet Detective'

Kansas City-
The Omaha Royals changed their name from Royals to Storm Chasers because the ongoing question was, which Royals are better, Kansas City or Omaha?
With the name change, they've quit asking. Everybody knows the answer.

Cleveland-
If any player did a worse job of coming back from taking PED's than Travis Hafner, I don't know who it was.
Hafner has done to Cleveland over the last four years, the same thing that ARod will do to the Yankees for the next four years.
Bezbol been bery, bery, good to them.

Angels-
They signed Pujols and CJ Wilson.
They had a spectacular year from Mike Trout.....
And finished third in the A.L. West
Sciosia is old school. He prefers a catcher that can catch like he did.
Playing Mathis over Napoli and Iannetta without giving Conger a chance.
In the meantime,Angel pitchers under perform throwing to his catchers.
A circle that needs to be broken.
Bye bye Mike.

Oakland-
I thought Buck should have been MOY. He didn't have many pieces but still made the playoffs.
Billy Beane had his greatest year ever and his Manager reaped the award or reward or was a ward of Beane's estate.
It's all good.
The A's remain the little team that could....and baseball needs a team like that.

Texas-
Young is old
Hamilton found drugs, found God, now, he'll find a new team.
The Rangers have found that their window for a Championship is closing.

Seattle-
They have good young pitchers coming.
Smoak and Ackley may as well be shaped like question marks
Rankings had Smoak and Ackley far ahead of Seager as prospects.
Rankings are stupid, aren't they?
By the way, I saw Corey's brother, Kyle, play in rookie ball this year.
He has that same 'it' as his older brother.
We can't define 'it', we just know a player wants 'it' and is usually a good ball player when he has 'it'.
Both Seager's have 'it'.
Turn the Page.

Houston-
Omaha has a better chance in the A.L. West than the Astros.
The Astros going to the American League will be like me opening the door to the bathroom and seeing my naked Aunt Ruth.
It'll be ugly and leave our heads shaking for months.

National League Later.......

Continuing with National League teams.....

St. Louis-
Quick! Name the Cardinals 2b.
Some of you said Schumaker, some said Dedcalso, some said I don't know.
I'd rather have I don't know.
At least I don't know gives hope that he could be better than Schumaker or Descalso...and that wouldn't take much.

Pittsburgh-
For the last two years, Pittsburgh and Cleveland have been that rabbit in a marathon.
Onlookers say, "Wow! Look at them!"
Then they fade into oblivion leaving fans to wonder why they can't play like that the whole year.
They actually know why. They are not that good.

Cincinnati-
Billy Hamilton is the Dee Gordon of last year.
No wait, Gordon had a starting spot and a major league job, didn't he?
And,it still didn't work out. Do not date girls named Judy.

Milwaukee-
The Milwaukee bullpen is like the firefighter trying to evacuate customers in a burning whorehouse.
They can't get anybody out

Chicago-
Cub fans pay to drink and see Wrigley Field.
Simple as that.


The Mets-
Who is the biggest star on the Mets should they decide to trade Wright and Dickey?
The answer is nobody.
And that is the reason they should be traded. The Mets need to be rebuilt. Holding Wright and Dickey as hostages to the lesser talents surrounding them is inhumane.
Let them go.

Philadelphia-
They look a lot like the Yankees and Red Sox have over the last couple of years.
Aging in the wrongs spots, paying too much, and knowing that any window for a World Series is closing fast.

Miami-
The sudden ugly step child.
And you know what? They're not as bad as all that.
They were going to lose Johnson and Bonafacio in another year. The Buehrle contract was stupid. Buck sucked.
Simplistically, we can say they only dealt Reyes away.
Folks will realize this after the press bloodbath is over.
Is it good for baseball or Marlins fans? No.
But, it's not all that bad for the Marlins future either.

Washington-
Remember the whorehouse I talked about earlier?
What do it's customers and Strasburg fans have in common?
They're both yelling, "You shut it down too early!"
Harry Carey would have loved his name backwards though....Grubs arts.

Atlanta-
Rumors are that the Braves are going after BJ Upton.
Well, if they like Dan Uggla, they'll love Upton.
Uggla and Upton, besides being close by alphabet, like to sprinkle in some power among their strike outs.
Upton hasn't hit over .250 for four years and his on base percentage was .298 last year.
BJ Upton is a better fantasy player than real player.
I'm guessing the Braves are not seriously looking at him.
They're smarter than that.
Just ask Dayton Moore

Dodgers-
I want to see the Dodgers sign Hamilton.
I'm not a Dodger fan or anything, I just want to see a team with Crawford, Kemp, and Hamilton in the outfield.
Along with Adrian Gonzalez, Hanley, and the infielder that came via the Ethier trade, that would be a fun lineup to watch.

San Francisco-
If I were Aubrey Huff's agent, I'd be telling prospective teams what a winner Huff is.
Somebody might even buy into it.

Arizona-
This is the Upton you want.
He had a down year and still came out pretty good statistically speaking.
Tampa should trade some pitching to get him.
They may double season ticket sales to 48.

San Diego-
Is there a worse nickname in baseball than the 'Padres'.
No fear here.
It's almost like they want to bless the ball rather than hit it.
And that's the way they play

Colorado-
75 pitches for a starter.
This is what happens when an organization gives up on itself.
The Rox need to buck up, put the Blake Street Bomber hitting lineup together again and win 12-10 games like real men.
75 pitches.
A panzie way of thinking by the organization, leads to a panzie way of playing.
Man Up!