The Yahoo Kid Diary
Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2013 11:15 am
Dear Diary,
There is about 30 days before I show these stupid NFBC bullies that I'm better than them. I have prepared like a maniac the last few days. I went to WalMart and bought all my magazines. Then, went to Barnes and Noble and bought the Forecaster. $100 of money spent on a $100,000 investment. YES!
I decided to read the Forecaster first. I was disappointed.
No pictures!
I've bought baseball magazines for years and they always have pictures! How am I supposed to get excited about taking a player when there is no action shot of him on the field?
Not only that, but the Forecaster doesn't even really rank players or tell me who I should pick!
What kind of lightweight does that?
Then they hide behind a bunch of percentages and junk, thinking they're really smart.
Well hello! Percentages don't hit baseballs! Players hit baseballs.
This was a complete waste of my money and I could have read the parts I understood in Barnes and Noble!
Stupid waste of over $25!
My baseball magazines came through for me though. Every year, the pictures get better. And these experts know what they're talking about. AND, they list the players in the order that I should take them. Stupid Forecaster doesn't do that!
These magazines give me all the value players and sleepers I need. I'll bet anybody that hasn't read these don't even know that Drew Storen should be the fourth Closer taken.
And nobody will even think about taking Billy Hamilton for speed. If he just steals half the bases he stole last year, he'll lead baseball again. BAM!
I've also listened to all the experts on radio. I even snuck out to my friend's house to listen to that SIRIUS XM radio show that those two dudes from the NFBC put on. They are so full of themselves!
Now, every player has an NFBC adp. Those adp's are in my magazines and the NFBC are just stealing from them!
I can't wait to show them in Las Vegas.
Then they just talk to people that have been in the NFBC. They treat the rest of us like we're nobodies!
Julia Childs, Steve Dudethinka, and Mindy Hinkelmeyer will be no match for the Yahoo Kid!
When meeting them, I'll ask who the 9th shortstop is on their list. I'll bet they won't even know!
I already have my lists in my head.
That's right. If they say any name but Jimmy Rollins, I'll know I'm already ahead of the NFBC curve.
The trouble with the NFBC is no trades. It hurts imaginative guys like myself. I love calling somebody on a Sunday afternoon while they're distracted by their families. They're always so put off by my call, that they may accept a trade just to get rid of me.
Love that!
Too bad the NFBC doesn't have trades.
I've also mock drafted every night for the last 20 nights. I'd have to pay $150 for a stupid NFBC mock draft.
$150!
That's more than my magazines WITH the stupid Forecaster!
And these drafts last for days! Even Weeks!
And they draft 50 rounds. 50 rounds!
That means that for 20 rounds, they're just wasting their time!
While they're doing that, my mock drafts have kicked butt!
The other day, all 15 of us stayed till about the ninth round. Which is great, cuz that's the important part of the draft anyway.
I already know my 20th round pick.
Delmon Young.
The Phillies signed him and he'll be in that little tiny park. He's a bad, bad man. He's thrown bats at umpires and was even arrested for a hate crime.
And still the Phillies signed him. If they signed him after that, he has to be a kickass player!
Shoot, I may have just talked myself into taking him earlier.
I have to go, Diary. I have to study more. Tonight I'm trying to memorize all the catchers in my mind so I'll be ready for anything on draft day.
Man, the NFBC will never know what hit them when I get to Vegas! Just wait till I sit down, stack of magazines towering in front of me. Pretending like I'm looking at a cell phone for updates. and I'll greet them by saying, "Who was third in rbi in the International League last year?" A question like that always makes me look superior.
Oh yeah, I'll have to look up and see who was third in the International League in rbi last year.
Posey...umm, oh yeah, Molina, umm, wait... does Napoli qualify? I'll have to look that up in the rules.
Goodnight Diary.
There is about 30 days before I show these stupid NFBC bullies that I'm better than them. I have prepared like a maniac the last few days. I went to WalMart and bought all my magazines. Then, went to Barnes and Noble and bought the Forecaster. $100 of money spent on a $100,000 investment. YES!
I decided to read the Forecaster first. I was disappointed.
No pictures!
I've bought baseball magazines for years and they always have pictures! How am I supposed to get excited about taking a player when there is no action shot of him on the field?
Not only that, but the Forecaster doesn't even really rank players or tell me who I should pick!
What kind of lightweight does that?
Then they hide behind a bunch of percentages and junk, thinking they're really smart.
Well hello! Percentages don't hit baseballs! Players hit baseballs.
This was a complete waste of my money and I could have read the parts I understood in Barnes and Noble!
Stupid waste of over $25!
My baseball magazines came through for me though. Every year, the pictures get better. And these experts know what they're talking about. AND, they list the players in the order that I should take them. Stupid Forecaster doesn't do that!
These magazines give me all the value players and sleepers I need. I'll bet anybody that hasn't read these don't even know that Drew Storen should be the fourth Closer taken.
And nobody will even think about taking Billy Hamilton for speed. If he just steals half the bases he stole last year, he'll lead baseball again. BAM!
I've also listened to all the experts on radio. I even snuck out to my friend's house to listen to that SIRIUS XM radio show that those two dudes from the NFBC put on. They are so full of themselves!
Now, every player has an NFBC adp. Those adp's are in my magazines and the NFBC are just stealing from them!
I can't wait to show them in Las Vegas.
Then they just talk to people that have been in the NFBC. They treat the rest of us like we're nobodies!
Julia Childs, Steve Dudethinka, and Mindy Hinkelmeyer will be no match for the Yahoo Kid!
When meeting them, I'll ask who the 9th shortstop is on their list. I'll bet they won't even know!
I already have my lists in my head.
That's right. If they say any name but Jimmy Rollins, I'll know I'm already ahead of the NFBC curve.
The trouble with the NFBC is no trades. It hurts imaginative guys like myself. I love calling somebody on a Sunday afternoon while they're distracted by their families. They're always so put off by my call, that they may accept a trade just to get rid of me.
Love that!
Too bad the NFBC doesn't have trades.
I've also mock drafted every night for the last 20 nights. I'd have to pay $150 for a stupid NFBC mock draft.
$150!
That's more than my magazines WITH the stupid Forecaster!
And these drafts last for days! Even Weeks!
And they draft 50 rounds. 50 rounds!
That means that for 20 rounds, they're just wasting their time!
While they're doing that, my mock drafts have kicked butt!
The other day, all 15 of us stayed till about the ninth round. Which is great, cuz that's the important part of the draft anyway.
I already know my 20th round pick.
Delmon Young.
The Phillies signed him and he'll be in that little tiny park. He's a bad, bad man. He's thrown bats at umpires and was even arrested for a hate crime.
And still the Phillies signed him. If they signed him after that, he has to be a kickass player!
Shoot, I may have just talked myself into taking him earlier.
I have to go, Diary. I have to study more. Tonight I'm trying to memorize all the catchers in my mind so I'll be ready for anything on draft day.
Man, the NFBC will never know what hit them when I get to Vegas! Just wait till I sit down, stack of magazines towering in front of me. Pretending like I'm looking at a cell phone for updates. and I'll greet them by saying, "Who was third in rbi in the International League last year?" A question like that always makes me look superior.
Oh yeah, I'll have to look up and see who was third in the International League in rbi last year.
Posey...umm, oh yeah, Molina, umm, wait... does Napoli qualify? I'll have to look that up in the rules.
Goodnight Diary.