My World of Fantasy Baseball
Posted: Sat Apr 27, 2013 10:32 am
If I were the God of fantasy baseball.....
I would disallow trading in all leagues. Trading leads to stupid e-mails, from stupid people, who think that you are stupider than they are.
I would disallow any leagues not totaling at least 12 teams. Anything less than 12 teams is like doing the 'Weekly Reader' crossword puzzle and proclaiming yourself Einstein.
"I can't believe Tulo got hurt!" "Crap" "Now I'm going to lose this league for sure!"
Guess I'll have to settle for Asdrubal Cabrera!"
I would incorporate KJ Duke's ranking's as not only the official NFBC rankings, but as the official world rankings.
Two reasons:
The best fantasy players in the world are right here.
Those that THINK they are the best are either more comfortable for lesser money (no balls syndrome) or they write about fantasy baseball.
For these rankings, a standardization would have to take place. If winning local, Yahoo, ESPN or CBS leagues, you would gain a sort of street cred and maybe win money with the thought of joining the NFBC Main Event.
Greg and Tom would be the King and....king of fantasy baseball. All major decisions would have to go through them. They would be manned with a 24 hour on the clock IT team whose only mission in life is to make the fantasy player happy.
Ron Shandler would have to define what a 'Real Expert is....
Todd Zola would be the czar of Numerish. Working out of the basement of his sister's home, all numbers used by other writers to back up arguments would have to be approved by the czar.
Upon this promotion, Todd is summarily demoted from Lord to Czar.....at least I think that is a demotion.
All MLB players would have to have a fantasy team. They would be required to have themself and at least one real life teammate on that team.
This would prompt this sort of dialogue:
Ellsbury:
Dammit Pedey! Grounding a ball to the right side to get me from 2nd to 3rd?
What was that?
You give yourself an 0-1 and don't even allow me the time to steal 3rd myself!
Pedroia:
Whatever! This coming from the guy who stops at 3rd on my double. I hit a laser to left center and one of the fastest guys in baseball can't score? YOUR KILLING ME!
Pedroia:
Hey Youk! Get your fat ass off the bench, you freakin' sissy!
I don't know why, but you're on my team, you big pussy. The only thing you've proved so far is that even as a Yankee, you're a pussy!
Youkilis:
I benched myself. I felt this shoulder thing coming on, so I'm alright.
Pedroia:
I thought it was your neck?
Youkilis:
Oh yeah, neck thing.
I drafted Bradley Jr. Any chance he comes back?
Pedroia:
Yeah.
When pitchers start throwing 10 miles less an hour and have less break on breaking balls, like spring training, he'll be back.
BUT, at least he tries, so get your ass off the bench and get back in the game.
Youkilis:
Call me every Monday and Friday. I'll let you know if I'm benching myself. Sometimes I don't even know till right before the deadline.
FAAB deadlines, which would be uniform for all leagues would be deadlined at 9pm, est.
With results known at 9:05, est.
There would be scorekeeping changes.
For instance, Josh Beckett leaves the game with the bases loaded.
If League comes in and gets out of the jam with no runs scored, nothing changes.
If however, League gives up a grand slam, the following result would occur.
Beckett would be charged with:
3/4 of a run for the man on third
1/2 of a run for the man on second
1/4 of a run for the man on first
Totaling one and 1/2 runs instead of three as it is now.
League would be charged for the other one and 1/2 runs, plus the batter that hit the grand slam.
There are other things, but this is getting long and I always fear that boredom has set in for those reading.
So there you have it. Fantasy Baseball in a new world.
If you like it...fine.
If not....hey, it's my world, get out
I would disallow trading in all leagues. Trading leads to stupid e-mails, from stupid people, who think that you are stupider than they are.
I would disallow any leagues not totaling at least 12 teams. Anything less than 12 teams is like doing the 'Weekly Reader' crossword puzzle and proclaiming yourself Einstein.
"I can't believe Tulo got hurt!" "Crap" "Now I'm going to lose this league for sure!"
Guess I'll have to settle for Asdrubal Cabrera!"
I would incorporate KJ Duke's ranking's as not only the official NFBC rankings, but as the official world rankings.
Two reasons:
The best fantasy players in the world are right here.
Those that THINK they are the best are either more comfortable for lesser money (no balls syndrome) or they write about fantasy baseball.
For these rankings, a standardization would have to take place. If winning local, Yahoo, ESPN or CBS leagues, you would gain a sort of street cred and maybe win money with the thought of joining the NFBC Main Event.
Greg and Tom would be the King and....king of fantasy baseball. All major decisions would have to go through them. They would be manned with a 24 hour on the clock IT team whose only mission in life is to make the fantasy player happy.
Ron Shandler would have to define what a 'Real Expert is....
Todd Zola would be the czar of Numerish. Working out of the basement of his sister's home, all numbers used by other writers to back up arguments would have to be approved by the czar.
Upon this promotion, Todd is summarily demoted from Lord to Czar.....at least I think that is a demotion.
All MLB players would have to have a fantasy team. They would be required to have themself and at least one real life teammate on that team.
This would prompt this sort of dialogue:
Ellsbury:
Dammit Pedey! Grounding a ball to the right side to get me from 2nd to 3rd?
What was that?
You give yourself an 0-1 and don't even allow me the time to steal 3rd myself!
Pedroia:
Whatever! This coming from the guy who stops at 3rd on my double. I hit a laser to left center and one of the fastest guys in baseball can't score? YOUR KILLING ME!
Pedroia:
Hey Youk! Get your fat ass off the bench, you freakin' sissy!
I don't know why, but you're on my team, you big pussy. The only thing you've proved so far is that even as a Yankee, you're a pussy!
Youkilis:
I benched myself. I felt this shoulder thing coming on, so I'm alright.
Pedroia:
I thought it was your neck?
Youkilis:
Oh yeah, neck thing.
I drafted Bradley Jr. Any chance he comes back?
Pedroia:
Yeah.
When pitchers start throwing 10 miles less an hour and have less break on breaking balls, like spring training, he'll be back.
BUT, at least he tries, so get your ass off the bench and get back in the game.
Youkilis:
Call me every Monday and Friday. I'll let you know if I'm benching myself. Sometimes I don't even know till right before the deadline.
FAAB deadlines, which would be uniform for all leagues would be deadlined at 9pm, est.
With results known at 9:05, est.
There would be scorekeeping changes.
For instance, Josh Beckett leaves the game with the bases loaded.
If League comes in and gets out of the jam with no runs scored, nothing changes.
If however, League gives up a grand slam, the following result would occur.
Beckett would be charged with:
3/4 of a run for the man on third
1/2 of a run for the man on second
1/4 of a run for the man on first
Totaling one and 1/2 runs instead of three as it is now.
League would be charged for the other one and 1/2 runs, plus the batter that hit the grand slam.
There are other things, but this is getting long and I always fear that boredom has set in for those reading.
So there you have it. Fantasy Baseball in a new world.
If you like it...fine.
If not....hey, it's my world, get out
