Josephine Votto, Michelle Trout, Madeline Kemp...
Posted: Mon Apr 29, 2013 7:35 am
We've all had THAT player. You know, that player that we just know is going to screw us when we draft him. Stuck in a draft this year, I took Annabelle Sanchez. Well, I wasn't really stuck, I knew later who I should have taken, but I took Annabelle.
And I was stuck with a player who had done nothing in the past but screw me.
I didn't start him the first week.
The best analogy for Annabelle is that to me and any time I've rostered him in the past, he is like a 38/24/36 girl seducing me while knowing she has a sexually transmitted disease. In both cases, I'm in control, but I know that I can say 'Ah, what the Hell and give in to my urges.
Since that first week, I've started Annabelle. I've started him because I have to trust him. Forget the sordid past.
And he has succeeded.
Every start.
He is teaching me a lesson that these players do not know whose fantasy team they've played on before. That the past is something in our own heads. Annabelle is tg me the lesson that each year is different. That Mike Trout is a first round player when drafted in the 27th round and a 27th round player when taken in the first round. Some players are like that.
I've been burned by Troy Tulowitzki so much, that I am convinced if I take him, that a ride to the hospital is inevitable.
But, I've come to realize that a ride to the hospital is inevitable whether I rostered him or not.
Our fantasy minds play tricks on us. We all have our demons. We can laugh at the thought of having Jose Valverde on our roster, and yet two weeks later, bid $500 on him and then be disappointed that we didn't bid high enough.
This game is insane.
It makes us do things we'd never dream of doing.
Some drafters are so confident in their 30 man roster that they'll do projections for each player, as if thinking that roster will never change, remaining pristine all year.
Stupid people.
This game can humble the biggest braggadocio and bring any man to their knees.
Through e-mails and pm's, some of you have asked why I call Annabelle, Annabelle when he is doing so well.
Let me tell you.
Before the wussification of America started taking place, we had P.E. and gym coaches.
Real coaches.
These guys weren't there to make sure you had a good time in their class. They were bent on making you men.
They would yell in your ear. They would yell across a gym.
And what they yelled was not pretty.
I had one coach in particular that was so 'manly', he made us all laugh.
He had a tough life as a child and would lie to Marine recruiters about his age. He was a 16 year old kid fighting in a World War. Already toughened by a deprived childhood, World War II suited him fine. He worked and fought and became a platoon leader. He was tougher than nails and expected others to be just as tough.
After retiring from the Marines, he became a P.E. teacher. For those too young to know, P.E. teachers had a lot of leeway with kids in the 60's and 70's.
Once in climbing a rope, the constant rub of the rope on my privates put me in a very vulnerable state. I was hoping nobody down on the floor would notice 'my condition'.
But Mr. Johnson noticed. He bellowed for everybody to hear, "For the love of God, Kenyon, I asked you to climb that rope, not make love to it!!!"
As most P.E. coaches did back then, Mr. Johnson doubled as our basketball coach. And whenever we did not do a lap quick enough, or miss too many free throws, or not hustle, he would call us by our female name.
Bob became Bobette.
Sam became Samantha
Mike became Michelle
And I, Dan, became Danielle.
He would call us by our girl names so often that off the court, we would call each other by our girl names as sort of a frat joke.
It became so much a part of us, that to this day, when somebody says the name Danielle, I still turn around.
Giving us girl's names would not be politically correct in today's wussified world. It would probably be considered bullydom.
But, it drove us not to make so many mistakes, and in time, we embraced our 'girl names'.
So, when I call Sanchez, Annabelle. Or Bonifacio, Emily, it is done with the same thought Mr. Johnson had. We just want them to perform better, while letting them know that they've done a lot of messing up.
Annabelle is listening and has embraced it.
Emily, not so much.
And I was stuck with a player who had done nothing in the past but screw me.
I didn't start him the first week.
The best analogy for Annabelle is that to me and any time I've rostered him in the past, he is like a 38/24/36 girl seducing me while knowing she has a sexually transmitted disease. In both cases, I'm in control, but I know that I can say 'Ah, what the Hell and give in to my urges.
Since that first week, I've started Annabelle. I've started him because I have to trust him. Forget the sordid past.
And he has succeeded.
Every start.
He is teaching me a lesson that these players do not know whose fantasy team they've played on before. That the past is something in our own heads. Annabelle is tg me the lesson that each year is different. That Mike Trout is a first round player when drafted in the 27th round and a 27th round player when taken in the first round. Some players are like that.
I've been burned by Troy Tulowitzki so much, that I am convinced if I take him, that a ride to the hospital is inevitable.
But, I've come to realize that a ride to the hospital is inevitable whether I rostered him or not.
Our fantasy minds play tricks on us. We all have our demons. We can laugh at the thought of having Jose Valverde on our roster, and yet two weeks later, bid $500 on him and then be disappointed that we didn't bid high enough.
This game is insane.
It makes us do things we'd never dream of doing.
Some drafters are so confident in their 30 man roster that they'll do projections for each player, as if thinking that roster will never change, remaining pristine all year.
Stupid people.
This game can humble the biggest braggadocio and bring any man to their knees.
Through e-mails and pm's, some of you have asked why I call Annabelle, Annabelle when he is doing so well.
Let me tell you.
Before the wussification of America started taking place, we had P.E. and gym coaches.
Real coaches.
These guys weren't there to make sure you had a good time in their class. They were bent on making you men.
They would yell in your ear. They would yell across a gym.
And what they yelled was not pretty.
I had one coach in particular that was so 'manly', he made us all laugh.
He had a tough life as a child and would lie to Marine recruiters about his age. He was a 16 year old kid fighting in a World War. Already toughened by a deprived childhood, World War II suited him fine. He worked and fought and became a platoon leader. He was tougher than nails and expected others to be just as tough.
After retiring from the Marines, he became a P.E. teacher. For those too young to know, P.E. teachers had a lot of leeway with kids in the 60's and 70's.
Once in climbing a rope, the constant rub of the rope on my privates put me in a very vulnerable state. I was hoping nobody down on the floor would notice 'my condition'.
But Mr. Johnson noticed. He bellowed for everybody to hear, "For the love of God, Kenyon, I asked you to climb that rope, not make love to it!!!"
As most P.E. coaches did back then, Mr. Johnson doubled as our basketball coach. And whenever we did not do a lap quick enough, or miss too many free throws, or not hustle, he would call us by our female name.
Bob became Bobette.
Sam became Samantha
Mike became Michelle
And I, Dan, became Danielle.
He would call us by our girl names so often that off the court, we would call each other by our girl names as sort of a frat joke.
It became so much a part of us, that to this day, when somebody says the name Danielle, I still turn around.
Giving us girl's names would not be politically correct in today's wussified world. It would probably be considered bullydom.
But, it drove us not to make so many mistakes, and in time, we embraced our 'girl names'.
So, when I call Sanchez, Annabelle. Or Bonifacio, Emily, it is done with the same thought Mr. Johnson had. We just want them to perform better, while letting them know that they've done a lot of messing up.
Annabelle is listening and has embraced it.
Emily, not so much.
