The Key to the Batters Box
Posted: Wed Sep 11, 2013 11:34 pm
Small things in life make me laugh.
Watching Billy Butler go from first to third.
Watching Yasiel Puig turning a stand-up triple into a huge headlong slide into third and looking up like he is surprised that a throw was not made to third.
Watching a pitcher lauded for his control, heave a ball against the right field stands in trying to pick off a runner.
As you see, I get most of my giggles from a baseball field.
But today, today on this totally misnamed Patriots Day (Wouldn't 'Remembrance Day' or something like that be better?) something in real life made me laugh.
It came by way of my spam e-mail. I lumped it with all the other spam at first, but it had a long title, so it caught my eye.
It took me awhile, since I was still waking up when seeing it, but after reading the title, I laughed my ass off and I've been snickering since.
Here's what the subject said....
'SCHOOL JET STARTED AND I AM VERY HONEY'
This one sentence has so many variables that humor can be found in so many places.
School never made me very Honey.
If you're honey for me, lady, you REALLY are very honey!
This girl really needs a change of schools.
And I will never think of honey the same way again.
Sometime this year, a minor league club hired a new 'clubbie'. A clubbie is a 'go to' guy for players as to towels, information, directions, locker problems, etc. To put it shortly, if they have a problem, the clubbie is usually their answer guy.
Unfortunately for this team, they hired a clubbie with zero baseball experience.
Zero.
Worse, zero baseball knowledge.
And when baseball players started asking him about personal and team stats or anything baseball related, a chasm started forming between the players and clubbie. It got so bad that players would ask their questions elsewhere.
Or even do things themselves.
And professional players do not like doing things themselves, even minor leaguers.
The players complained and were assured by Management that they would search for a new clubbie and he would be hired and on the job in a week.
So, the players hatched a prank before this Clubbie was let go. A prank that only somebody who doesn't know anything about baseball would fall for.
And they even involved their coaches and Manager.
40 minutes before game time, the Manager called a team meeting. In this team meeting, the clubbie was at the back of the room picking up towels and doing what clubbies do. The Manager feigned disgust at his players in his speech. They had lost an important key. The Manager yelled, 'If you don't find that key before game time, THERE WILL BE NO GAME!
And he stormed out the door.
The players mumbled and feigned shock after the speech. They asked the clubbie a question they knew the answer to.
They asked him if he over heard the Manager's warning.
He said yes.
They asked if he'd seen the key.
He answered no and asked what the key unlocked.
'The batter's box.'
We can't get in there till we find it. Can you help us look for it?
So for the next few minutes, the players would snicker as they 'helped' this Clubbie find an imaginary key to the batters box.
The Manager then re-entered, still feigning anger and he started questioning the Clubbie.
He asked if he'd ever seen the key.
The Clubbie said no.
He asked if he realized that the game could not start unless the the key to the batters box was found.
He said he understood.
A player then stepped forward with a key. A key he said he found near where the Clubbie was cleaning.
The Clubbie turned red.
The Manager bellowed, 'ARE YOU SURE YOU DIDN'T HAVE THIS KEY TO THE BATTERS BOX?
Yes Sir, I never saw that key!
The Manager said he believed him and told his players to go to the field.
After the players had left, the Manager gave the key to the Clubbie.
And he told him this,
"Something is going to happen to you within a week that you may not like. When starting to look at yourself, and find reasons in why it happened, I want you yo look at this key.
I'll tell you now, this key does not unlock any batters box, but it may be the answer to questions later.
The Clubbie looked at that key when he went home, the night of his firing.
It gave him no answers.
Maybe someday, it will.
If not, it'll mean the Clubbie never did get close to the game of baseball.
And will never know that there is no key to enter a batters box.
If that is the case, I hope he gets in e-mail from someone who is very honey.
Maybe it'll make his day.
Watching Billy Butler go from first to third.
Watching Yasiel Puig turning a stand-up triple into a huge headlong slide into third and looking up like he is surprised that a throw was not made to third.
Watching a pitcher lauded for his control, heave a ball against the right field stands in trying to pick off a runner.
As you see, I get most of my giggles from a baseball field.
But today, today on this totally misnamed Patriots Day (Wouldn't 'Remembrance Day' or something like that be better?) something in real life made me laugh.
It came by way of my spam e-mail. I lumped it with all the other spam at first, but it had a long title, so it caught my eye.
It took me awhile, since I was still waking up when seeing it, but after reading the title, I laughed my ass off and I've been snickering since.
Here's what the subject said....
'SCHOOL JET STARTED AND I AM VERY HONEY'
This one sentence has so many variables that humor can be found in so many places.
School never made me very Honey.
If you're honey for me, lady, you REALLY are very honey!
This girl really needs a change of schools.
And I will never think of honey the same way again.
Sometime this year, a minor league club hired a new 'clubbie'. A clubbie is a 'go to' guy for players as to towels, information, directions, locker problems, etc. To put it shortly, if they have a problem, the clubbie is usually their answer guy.
Unfortunately for this team, they hired a clubbie with zero baseball experience.
Zero.
Worse, zero baseball knowledge.
And when baseball players started asking him about personal and team stats or anything baseball related, a chasm started forming between the players and clubbie. It got so bad that players would ask their questions elsewhere.
Or even do things themselves.
And professional players do not like doing things themselves, even minor leaguers.
The players complained and were assured by Management that they would search for a new clubbie and he would be hired and on the job in a week.
So, the players hatched a prank before this Clubbie was let go. A prank that only somebody who doesn't know anything about baseball would fall for.
And they even involved their coaches and Manager.
40 minutes before game time, the Manager called a team meeting. In this team meeting, the clubbie was at the back of the room picking up towels and doing what clubbies do. The Manager feigned disgust at his players in his speech. They had lost an important key. The Manager yelled, 'If you don't find that key before game time, THERE WILL BE NO GAME!
And he stormed out the door.
The players mumbled and feigned shock after the speech. They asked the clubbie a question they knew the answer to.
They asked him if he over heard the Manager's warning.
He said yes.
They asked if he'd seen the key.
He answered no and asked what the key unlocked.
'The batter's box.'
We can't get in there till we find it. Can you help us look for it?
So for the next few minutes, the players would snicker as they 'helped' this Clubbie find an imaginary key to the batters box.
The Manager then re-entered, still feigning anger and he started questioning the Clubbie.
He asked if he'd ever seen the key.
The Clubbie said no.
He asked if he realized that the game could not start unless the the key to the batters box was found.
He said he understood.
A player then stepped forward with a key. A key he said he found near where the Clubbie was cleaning.
The Clubbie turned red.
The Manager bellowed, 'ARE YOU SURE YOU DIDN'T HAVE THIS KEY TO THE BATTERS BOX?
Yes Sir, I never saw that key!
The Manager said he believed him and told his players to go to the field.
After the players had left, the Manager gave the key to the Clubbie.
And he told him this,
"Something is going to happen to you within a week that you may not like. When starting to look at yourself, and find reasons in why it happened, I want you yo look at this key.
I'll tell you now, this key does not unlock any batters box, but it may be the answer to questions later.
The Clubbie looked at that key when he went home, the night of his firing.
It gave him no answers.
Maybe someday, it will.
If not, it'll mean the Clubbie never did get close to the game of baseball.
And will never know that there is no key to enter a batters box.
If that is the case, I hope he gets in e-mail from someone who is very honey.
Maybe it'll make his day.