Who Discovered Mike Trout?
Posted: Sat Nov 02, 2013 10:07 am
My wife is a little peeved at me. My Grandson is studying explorers in Middle School. At the same time, he is showing some interest in fantasy baseball. When my Grandson asked about explorers and my take, here is what he got....
On every test paper about explorers, you'll be asked who discovered America. It is a running joke that you'll answer Christopher Columbus. We even have a day named after him, so you don't forget to write down his name.
Let's say America is Mike Trout. We are the Indians. We already know of America. We know that Mike Trout has five tool goodness.
Then along comes the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria.
That happened in 1492.
Just remember that date by thinking if Ricky Henderson had stolen 86 more bases, he would have had 1492.
Anyway, everybody aboard these ships are 'experts'. Led by Columbus.
They'd heard stories about Mike Trout and America, but until they saw with their own eyes, they were not gonna risk their reputations by glorifying Trout or America till they could judge themselves.
In fact, there was thought to be an explorer named Amerigo Vespucci, we'll call him Shandler, who actually beat those three ships here. He took a look at Trout or America and shrugged his shoulders and went away.
He was a bad judge of what America or Trout had to offer. By the time Vespucci or Shandler had realized his mistake, it was too late. The glory had gone to others.
The Indians are us. The fantasy player. We're the ones who discovered America. We were here long before Vespucci or Shandler. We were here long before those ships of experts arrived.
We knew of the talents of Trout long before the others. But, the experts, especially Columbus, like to read about themselves and take credit.
They started writing back home about all the wonderful attributes of Trout and America. They wrote articles and even devoted books about America and Trout.
Soon, others arrived and we knew that our lives with America and Trout would never be the same.
We had Thanksgiving with these experts and several drafts were completed. We had auctions, we had snake drafts.
We all got along famously. Fun had by all.
Until the results were in. We beat them soundly.
Since then, only the experts are heard. And to this day, we do not get credit for discovering anything, not even Mike Trout.
We are banished to lands, hoping to avoid Iowa, Washington, Arizona and two other states so that we can play in the NFBC.
And that is why to this very day, even though we know that Indians were here first, we write on our test papers that Christopher Columbus, the first expert, discovered Mike Trout, I mean America.
One more explorer, Ponce De Leon.
It was said that he discovered the 'Fountain of Youth'. Folks would come from miles around to be bathed in this water.
It was a sham.
While in Florida, Ponce DeLeon had not discovered the fountain of youth. He had discovered steroids.
Yes, Florida really is the birth place of steroids.
DeLeon, no relation to Jose, would manufacture the steroids and drop them in a fountain. Although DeLeon and the fountain got credit for making a more youthful appearance for others, it was actually the drugs in the water that were doing the work.
Re-energized after bathing in this water, us Indians could work and hunt all day and still have enough energy to hold a four hour draft.
We did not allow Mike Trout or others to sit in these waters. It seemed like they were youthful enough and didn't need these waters as others did.
Still, I think some of them snuck in those waters.
My Grandson looked amused.
"Do you put fantasy baseball in every story?"
I told him I try because I remember things a little better that way.
"I hope I don't get mixed up and say that Columbus discovered Mike Trout!"
My wife intervened looking me dead in the eye and saying, "Yes, I sure hope that doesn't happen.... DOES IT!!!"
Yep, she was peeved.
I asked my Grandson what he was studying next.
"My teacher said that we may leap way ahead and study Kennedy and the assassination. It'll be 50 years this month that he was shot."
I told him that was cool, and that I would tell him about Carl Mays and Ray Chapman.
"Who?"
"NEVER MIND!!!", his Grandma said, giving me the stink eye.
A batter started digging in the dirt against Bob Gibson. Gibson, always annoyed by ANY hitter, yelled at the batter to keep digging till it was six feet.
The batter got the message and did not say a word as he went down to first base after being hit in the ass with the first pitch.
Going home with my wife, I was that batter.
Knowing what was coming.
Knowing there was nothing I could do to avoid it.
And knowing I would not say a word afterwards.
On every test paper about explorers, you'll be asked who discovered America. It is a running joke that you'll answer Christopher Columbus. We even have a day named after him, so you don't forget to write down his name.
Let's say America is Mike Trout. We are the Indians. We already know of America. We know that Mike Trout has five tool goodness.
Then along comes the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria.
That happened in 1492.
Just remember that date by thinking if Ricky Henderson had stolen 86 more bases, he would have had 1492.
Anyway, everybody aboard these ships are 'experts'. Led by Columbus.
They'd heard stories about Mike Trout and America, but until they saw with their own eyes, they were not gonna risk their reputations by glorifying Trout or America till they could judge themselves.
In fact, there was thought to be an explorer named Amerigo Vespucci, we'll call him Shandler, who actually beat those three ships here. He took a look at Trout or America and shrugged his shoulders and went away.
He was a bad judge of what America or Trout had to offer. By the time Vespucci or Shandler had realized his mistake, it was too late. The glory had gone to others.
The Indians are us. The fantasy player. We're the ones who discovered America. We were here long before Vespucci or Shandler. We were here long before those ships of experts arrived.
We knew of the talents of Trout long before the others. But, the experts, especially Columbus, like to read about themselves and take credit.
They started writing back home about all the wonderful attributes of Trout and America. They wrote articles and even devoted books about America and Trout.
Soon, others arrived and we knew that our lives with America and Trout would never be the same.
We had Thanksgiving with these experts and several drafts were completed. We had auctions, we had snake drafts.
We all got along famously. Fun had by all.
Until the results were in. We beat them soundly.
Since then, only the experts are heard. And to this day, we do not get credit for discovering anything, not even Mike Trout.
We are banished to lands, hoping to avoid Iowa, Washington, Arizona and two other states so that we can play in the NFBC.
And that is why to this very day, even though we know that Indians were here first, we write on our test papers that Christopher Columbus, the first expert, discovered Mike Trout, I mean America.
One more explorer, Ponce De Leon.
It was said that he discovered the 'Fountain of Youth'. Folks would come from miles around to be bathed in this water.
It was a sham.
While in Florida, Ponce DeLeon had not discovered the fountain of youth. He had discovered steroids.
Yes, Florida really is the birth place of steroids.
DeLeon, no relation to Jose, would manufacture the steroids and drop them in a fountain. Although DeLeon and the fountain got credit for making a more youthful appearance for others, it was actually the drugs in the water that were doing the work.
Re-energized after bathing in this water, us Indians could work and hunt all day and still have enough energy to hold a four hour draft.
We did not allow Mike Trout or others to sit in these waters. It seemed like they were youthful enough and didn't need these waters as others did.
Still, I think some of them snuck in those waters.
My Grandson looked amused.
"Do you put fantasy baseball in every story?"
I told him I try because I remember things a little better that way.
"I hope I don't get mixed up and say that Columbus discovered Mike Trout!"
My wife intervened looking me dead in the eye and saying, "Yes, I sure hope that doesn't happen.... DOES IT!!!"
Yep, she was peeved.
I asked my Grandson what he was studying next.
"My teacher said that we may leap way ahead and study Kennedy and the assassination. It'll be 50 years this month that he was shot."
I told him that was cool, and that I would tell him about Carl Mays and Ray Chapman.
"Who?"
"NEVER MIND!!!", his Grandma said, giving me the stink eye.
A batter started digging in the dirt against Bob Gibson. Gibson, always annoyed by ANY hitter, yelled at the batter to keep digging till it was six feet.
The batter got the message and did not say a word as he went down to first base after being hit in the ass with the first pitch.
Going home with my wife, I was that batter.
Knowing what was coming.
Knowing there was nothing I could do to avoid it.
And knowing I would not say a word afterwards.
