Get A Life

[DOUGHBOYS]

Hardly anything really pisses me off any more. I kind of miss that. Getting pissed off is part of the enjoyments of life.
Although we hide the enjoyment through anger, deep down we like it. Getting into a fight with a guy kissing our girl.
Coming home to see that the dog has eaten everything that wasn't high enough to reach.
Calling another guy a dick for cutting you off in traffic. On the outside, we look pissed. On the inside, we relish the thought of getting even with these jerks....well, save for the dog....

I get pissed over one phrase. And it doesn't matter who says it. Twice during the last two weeks, I've heard the phrase.
The first time was from my daughter. My daughter is a professional in the medical field. We went to visit her on vacation over Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving vacations are a nuisance for me. Sure, I love visiting her and enjoying a different climate, but I'm a horrible tourist. I don't care about $75 theme parks. I don't care about zoo's or fish or aquariums or oceans. Matter of fact, I cared more about the draft I was in. It's just me. There's no baseball games on a Thanksgiving vacation.....ugh.

So after turning down countless ideas to waste time and money, my daughter uttered the three words that just piss me off.
She said I needed to "Get a life"
Oh man.
I remember the first time somebody said that to me. It was in high school. My 'notebook' fell on the floor. Inside were Major league stats and notes on a bunch of players. There were quotes from players that I used to help my own game. A nerd type looked at the notebook and suggested that I needed to 'get a life'. I went to practice that day and relayed what had happened to my best friend, the team's first baseman. In astonishment, he said, "And you left him standing?"
I thought about 'Get a life' the rest of the night and what my friend 'suggested'. The more I thought about it, the more pissed I got.
So, the next morning, I waited for that kid. I knew his usual entrance was on the side of the school. That entrance was close to the cafeteria. I met him at the bottom of the steps. I told him that I thought he was right. I should get a new life. That in fact, I was going to start it now. I picked him up. It didn't take much. And I told him that I was going to do something that had nothing to do with baseball. I was going to lift weights.
He said he got the message and to put him down.
I did.
In the adjacent dumpster.
How was I to know that trash bags of old kitchen crap would explode all over him on contact?
Man, did I ever catch hell for that one!....

I explained to my daughter that that was one of the worst things she could say to me. That it demeans an interest of mine. One, that has been a subject for me my whole life. Not only a subject, but an interest, maybe even an obsession. And that it had worked for me my whole life. A subject that may have even been a passing thought while she was being conceived.
'Get a life' is heard by every fantasy baseball player.
Chess players don't hear it.
Gardeners don't hear it.
Stamp and coin collectors don't hear it.
We are on the same level in others folks eyes as video game players. Our hobby, in 'regular people's' eyes is nothing but a waste of time. That a life needs to be gotten.
Ugh.
They do not get us.
They probably never will.
Stupid people.

During a current draft, a drafter told another drafter that he needn't be hurried.
That HE HAD A LIFE!
Seriously?
This is a guy who is like us. He enters a fantasy draft, only to tell others not to hurry him, BECAUSE HE HAS A LIFE!
Arrgghh!
I don't know you, buddy, but your life is no better than mine or the other 14 in the draft. You're falling back on demeaning the hobby and 14 others to make up for a lack of responsibility.
So, I mentally threw him in the dumpster. It's where he belongs.
We're supposed to learn life lessons from things done wrong.
When I look back at throwing that kid in the dumpster, I have no remorse at all. I even smile.
Mentally, I've thrown a lot of folks in that dumpster. Even family members.
Even though that phrase pisses me off, I smile at the thought that the people who utter it, literally and figuratively belong in that dumpster.

[blazer68]

I have to tell you that you have very talented writing skills when telling sturies but also a comical side which makes reading them thouroughly enjoyable.

[DOUGHBOYS]

Thank you, very much appreciated. Glad you enjoy them.

[DOUGHBOYS]

I continue to throw folks in the dumpster. Since writing this, I've heard the phrase twice more. Once from a fellow drafter, the other from a 'real lifer'.
The fellow drafter used 'Get a life' when asked what was taking him so long to draft. Again, this just infuriates me.
Hey Buddy, don't try to hide your irresponsibility to 14 others in the guise of having a better life, alright!?
Just fu--ing pick and quit insinuating your life is better than those that are waiting for that pick, ok?
The other time, I was talking with a friend who genuinely wanted to hear about my fantasy teams. A friend of his exclaimed, "What! Baseball fantasy teams! In December!" "You need a life!"
And, in the mental dumpster he went.

My stories were topped by one told to me by Roger Martin, who has become a friend of mine through NFBC.
Roger explained that his wife was tending bar at a neighborhood tavern. Roger went in during the afternoon to chat with her.
During the conversation, he told her about the bad luck he was having with one of his fantasy teams. A regular, a guy who frequents the bar almost every day to get his drunk on, turned on his bar stool and says, "You need to get a life!"
That, that tops all my stories.

Andy Taylor is the Sheriff of Mayberry. A most respected man. Probably the most respected man in town.
Somehow though, I get the feeling that if Andy ever wanted to take up fantasy baseball, that even Barney Fife would be telling him to get a life. Or, as in Roger's story, Otis the town drunk.
Fantasy baseball is a 'Yeah, but'.
You know about 'yeah, but's', right?
'Yeah, but's' are qualifiers.
Such as, 'Wow, look at that blond! She's gorgeous! Look at that face, the hair, the chest!'
'Yeah, but she's married'
In our case, it could be, 'That guy has it all! Good looks, money, great job, wonderful to chat with.....'Yeah, but he plays fantasy baseball.'

Playing fantasy baseball is considered a waste of time by the general public. They don't understand the game, so it is easy for them to ridicule the game.
I was on vacation over Thanksgiving. I saw my mother-in-law much more than any man needs to see his mother-in-law. As I was studying and looking at a computer screen, she mentioned that she couldn't believe how much time I put into fantasy baseball.
I answered with a Walla Walla, "Hurummph".
The next morning she woke up to see me at the computer and studying again. She asked, "Did you win?"
Instead of explaining to her that it was an ongoing practice of studying, drafting, and developing strategies, and that baseball is not played during Thanksgiving season, I simply answered, "No".
She doesn't understand. Most don't. And we can't expect it.

[Edwards Kings]

A friend of mine, let's just call him "FB" for Fantasy Baseballer had the unenviable pleasure of having his mother-in-law live with him in his nice, albeit not extravagant home. FB had a good, steady job, lived within his means, treated his wife with all the love and respect he was able to, was not known on a first name basis at any bars or with any bookies. FB and his wife had good, respectful children who did well in school.

However, FB had the one major outside interest that gave him great joy and that drove his mother-in-law crazy. When it was just the two of them, she would hiss "You spend too much time on baseball! Get a life or when I die, I will dig myself up and haunt you for the rest of your life."

Every week, every month, every year... "You spend too much time on baseball! Get a life or when I die, I will dig myself up and haunt you for the rest of your life."

Recently I heard that the mother-in-law passed away. I asked my friend if he was concerned that she would dig herself up and haunt him.

"Naah" FB said. "I guess you could say she is a victim of the shift."

"What do you mean?"

"I slipped the mortician a hundred dollars to place her face down in the casket. Let her dig! Do you think Burnett will pitch next year?"

Old joke slightly retooled.