Post-It Notes to Players
Posted: Thu Apr 30, 2015 12:05 pm
Dear Mr Tulowizifhealthy,
Why does Zack Cozart have twice as many homers as you?
You know, the guy who hits eighth.
Cincy.
Yeah, that guy.
Dear Mr. VoBBo,
Thanks for proving my point.
You have hit seven homers. Way to go!
You have walked 15 times. Way to blow!
You have scored 13 times.
Seven times by home run.
You have come around to score after a walk.....ONCE!
ONCE!
Explain again how you help your team by walking again?
Dear Mr. Shifteira,
So far, your owners are happy.
You've hit eight homers.
You said you'd beat that nasty shift!
Good one.
Oh.
I just looked, you only have three singles during April.
I feel a slump coming.
Can a slump come when only hitting .216?
Dear Mr. Chase Studley,
Your fans adore you.
Fantasy owners, not so much.
Your season was on April 14.
Besides that day, you have five singles in 67 at bats. .074!
You're better than that.
Don't fade away.
Dear Mr KrissitgoodBryant,
Your minor league homer totals were Ruthian.
So are your Major League totals.
Both of you have zero this year.
Dear Mr. Alex Halfearro,
You're a good hitter.
Its been said that you're not a team guy.
Mattingly punishes you for this.
And so, your owners are also punished.
Why then, does Puig get to play a lot, you ask.
Only Mattingly knows.
Dear, Mr. RookieMookieBetts,
Boston fans know they have the rookie of the year.
Not so fast.
Devon made a Travisty of April.
Bets on Betts have slowed.
Dear Mr. George DingerSpringer,
I love you.
I love any player who drives sabrs crazy.
You have struck out 31 of 81 at bats.
Just horrible!
The difference between sabrs and owners?
Sabrs dwell on how you miss the ball.
Owners dwell on how you hit the ball.
Keep it up!
Dear Mr. LackLester,
You're outed.
You throw to home like a man.
You throw to first like a girl.
Your owners aren't upset that you've given up more stolen bases than any other pitcher in baseball.
They can live with that.
That .322 batting average against?
Not so much.
Your owners can take little solace that of the 12 Starters who have given up a .300 batting average, you are not the highest pick in drafts.
Listening Strasburg owners?
Dear Mr. Black'nblueHughes,
They love your ratios!
And you're at it again, this year!
26 K's, 2 BB's.
It begs the question.
How can a man with those ratios....suck?
Why does Zack Cozart have twice as many homers as you?
You know, the guy who hits eighth.
Cincy.
Yeah, that guy.
Dear Mr. VoBBo,
Thanks for proving my point.
You have hit seven homers. Way to go!
You have walked 15 times. Way to blow!
You have scored 13 times.
Seven times by home run.
You have come around to score after a walk.....ONCE!
ONCE!
Explain again how you help your team by walking again?
Dear Mr. Shifteira,
So far, your owners are happy.
You've hit eight homers.
You said you'd beat that nasty shift!
Good one.
Oh.
I just looked, you only have three singles during April.
I feel a slump coming.
Can a slump come when only hitting .216?
Dear Mr. Chase Studley,
Your fans adore you.
Fantasy owners, not so much.
Your season was on April 14.
Besides that day, you have five singles in 67 at bats. .074!
You're better than that.
Don't fade away.
Dear Mr KrissitgoodBryant,
Your minor league homer totals were Ruthian.
So are your Major League totals.
Both of you have zero this year.
Dear Mr. Alex Halfearro,
You're a good hitter.
Its been said that you're not a team guy.
Mattingly punishes you for this.
And so, your owners are also punished.
Why then, does Puig get to play a lot, you ask.
Only Mattingly knows.
Dear, Mr. RookieMookieBetts,
Boston fans know they have the rookie of the year.
Not so fast.
Devon made a Travisty of April.
Bets on Betts have slowed.
Dear Mr. George DingerSpringer,
I love you.
I love any player who drives sabrs crazy.
You have struck out 31 of 81 at bats.
Just horrible!
The difference between sabrs and owners?
Sabrs dwell on how you miss the ball.
Owners dwell on how you hit the ball.
Keep it up!
Dear Mr. LackLester,
You're outed.
You throw to home like a man.
You throw to first like a girl.
Your owners aren't upset that you've given up more stolen bases than any other pitcher in baseball.
They can live with that.
That .322 batting average against?
Not so much.
Your owners can take little solace that of the 12 Starters who have given up a .300 batting average, you are not the highest pick in drafts.
Listening Strasburg owners?
Dear Mr. Black'nblueHughes,
They love your ratios!
And you're at it again, this year!
26 K's, 2 BB's.
It begs the question.
How can a man with those ratios....suck?