The Short and Schlong of the Game
Posted: Tue Jan 05, 2016 11:51 pm
This post will not have any batters numbers or stats. It will be about players, but not about what they do on the field.
In a chat during a draft today, a drafter felt that 'clubhouse comraderie' is an important component for a winning team.
I called bullshit.
The Colorado Rockies have a very amiable clubhouse.
They are losers.
Nobody writes about losers in a good clubhouse.
Only winners.
The fella said that the Mets had great 'chemistry'. Yet, as an Angel fan, did not want his team to buy Cespedes.
It might ruin their clubhouse.
The Angels have already traded for Yunel Escobar. That ship has sailed.
Players are naked in the locker room. Shit happens when 25 naked men are in a room.
A lot of tricks.
Star players after a bad game would stay naked when giving interviews. They know that most 'civilians' are antsy about talking to a naked man, so interviews are magically shortened.
Snapping towels on the ass is old hat for most players.
Some prefer the frontal game.
A 'tippy', a pain I never want to feel.
Players are used to their own nudity.
A Cleveland Indians pitcher made light of his own lack of 'manhood'.
He kept a yard stick in his locker and told his teammates while 'measuring himself' that he was waiting for his growth spurt.
When on a losing streak, he decided to lighten the mood by yelling in a somber clubhouse, pointing down at himself, squealing, "LOOK, LOOK everybody!!! Look what God has done to me!!
Body parts were also used for jokes.
A favorite was during a team dinner with team writers present.
A player would yell at a writer to look behind him. When the writer turned around, a hairy ass would be firmly in his face.
It was said that Joe DiMaggio and Lefty Grove roomed together because teammates 'felt small' in their presence.
You didn't think it was his good looks that attracted Marilyn Monroe, right?
Years and years later, Pete Rose and Joe DiMaggio went on a mission to Vietnam.
Here is a story from Rose....
"SO FIVE OF US WENT OVER TO VIETNAM AND WE WENT TO SAIGON AND MET UP ON THE INTREPID IN TONKIN BAY. AND WE WERE THERE FOR 23 DAYS. NOW WE’RE DOWN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE JUNGLE, IT’S HOT, IT’S SO HOT YOU CAN’T SLEEP, THERE’S A WAR GOING ON, YOU CAN SEE THE HELICOPTER AND EVERY FOURTH BULLET IS A TRACER. WE’RE UP ON A HILL AND THERE’S A VALLEY AND THE OTHER HILL IS WHERE THE WAR’S GOING ON. AND JOE SAYS, ‘MAN, I’VE GOTTA TAKE A SHOWER.’ I SAID, ‘JOE, WE’RE OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE JUNGLE, WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’VE GOT TO TAKE A SHOWER?’ HE SAID, ‘I DON’T GIVE A DAMN, I’M JOE D AND I’VE GOTTA TAKE A SHOWER.’ AND THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN TAKE A SHOWER, MIKE, IS THEY HAVE THESE BIG BAMBOO BAGS, LIKE, AND SOMEBODY’S GOT TO GET ON A CHAIR AND POUR THE WATER AND PULL A RAWHIDE THING AND THE WATER COMES THROUGH AND THE GUY TAKES A SHOWER. SO I SAW EVERYTHING THAT MARILYN MONROE SAW. NOW, WHEN I TELL PEOPLE THE BEST WAY TO DESCRIBE JOE DIMAGGIO, HE WAS A PENIS WITH A MAN HANGING FROM IT"
In a chat during a draft today, a drafter felt that 'clubhouse comraderie' is an important component for a winning team.
I called bullshit.
The Colorado Rockies have a very amiable clubhouse.
They are losers.
Nobody writes about losers in a good clubhouse.
Only winners.
The fella said that the Mets had great 'chemistry'. Yet, as an Angel fan, did not want his team to buy Cespedes.
It might ruin their clubhouse.
The Angels have already traded for Yunel Escobar. That ship has sailed.
Players are naked in the locker room. Shit happens when 25 naked men are in a room.
A lot of tricks.
Star players after a bad game would stay naked when giving interviews. They know that most 'civilians' are antsy about talking to a naked man, so interviews are magically shortened.
Snapping towels on the ass is old hat for most players.
Some prefer the frontal game.
A 'tippy', a pain I never want to feel.
Players are used to their own nudity.
A Cleveland Indians pitcher made light of his own lack of 'manhood'.
He kept a yard stick in his locker and told his teammates while 'measuring himself' that he was waiting for his growth spurt.
When on a losing streak, he decided to lighten the mood by yelling in a somber clubhouse, pointing down at himself, squealing, "LOOK, LOOK everybody!!! Look what God has done to me!!
Body parts were also used for jokes.
A favorite was during a team dinner with team writers present.
A player would yell at a writer to look behind him. When the writer turned around, a hairy ass would be firmly in his face.
It was said that Joe DiMaggio and Lefty Grove roomed together because teammates 'felt small' in their presence.
You didn't think it was his good looks that attracted Marilyn Monroe, right?
Years and years later, Pete Rose and Joe DiMaggio went on a mission to Vietnam.
Here is a story from Rose....
"SO FIVE OF US WENT OVER TO VIETNAM AND WE WENT TO SAIGON AND MET UP ON THE INTREPID IN TONKIN BAY. AND WE WERE THERE FOR 23 DAYS. NOW WE’RE DOWN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE JUNGLE, IT’S HOT, IT’S SO HOT YOU CAN’T SLEEP, THERE’S A WAR GOING ON, YOU CAN SEE THE HELICOPTER AND EVERY FOURTH BULLET IS A TRACER. WE’RE UP ON A HILL AND THERE’S A VALLEY AND THE OTHER HILL IS WHERE THE WAR’S GOING ON. AND JOE SAYS, ‘MAN, I’VE GOTTA TAKE A SHOWER.’ I SAID, ‘JOE, WE’RE OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE JUNGLE, WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’VE GOT TO TAKE A SHOWER?’ HE SAID, ‘I DON’T GIVE A DAMN, I’M JOE D AND I’VE GOTTA TAKE A SHOWER.’ AND THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN TAKE A SHOWER, MIKE, IS THEY HAVE THESE BIG BAMBOO BAGS, LIKE, AND SOMEBODY’S GOT TO GET ON A CHAIR AND POUR THE WATER AND PULL A RAWHIDE THING AND THE WATER COMES THROUGH AND THE GUY TAKES A SHOWER. SO I SAW EVERYTHING THAT MARILYN MONROE SAW. NOW, WHEN I TELL PEOPLE THE BEST WAY TO DESCRIBE JOE DIMAGGIO, HE WAS A PENIS WITH A MAN HANGING FROM IT"