Explaining Our Game

[DOUGHBOYS]

Have you ever tried to tell a non-baseball person about fantasy baseball?
It's a little like trying to explain Chess to somebody who only graduated from Checkers.
Last night, I was at the softball park when a woman I know approached me.
I had just gotten a text that Mitch Haniger was going to the DL. My sixth dl'ed player on the Main Event team.
(Later, a seventh with Brandon Crawford most likely joining the infirmary)
She's a nice lady. One of those perpetually happy people that I find a little annoying.
Here is how the conversation went....

"Hi Dan! Wow, your gloomy face kind of matches this gloomy weather. What's wrong?"

"To tell the truth, I just got a text from a buddy that said Mitch Haniger got hurt."

"Oh, I'm sorry! Is he a close friend of yours?"

"You might say that. He plays on most of my fantasy baseball teams. Including my Main team where I already have five players that are out for at least 10 days."

"I think it's so nice of you to pick hurt players. They probably don't get attention from others that pick players."

"It's not that I'm nice. It's that I pick a player and he gets hurt.
(I get a text that Brandon Crawford left the game and is hurt. My face shows the pain)

"Another injury?"

"Yes"

What about the players that ARE playing. How are they doing?"

There are five offensive categories that we go for. Batting Average, Runs, Home Runs, RBI, and stolen bases.
I haven't checked the stats much tonight, but I don't think I even have one rbi."

"What about home runs?"

"I told you I didn't have an rbi."

"Right, and I asked if you had any home runs."

"You can't have any home runs if you don't have any rbi. They're connected."

"Are runs connected to?"

"If a player hits a home run, he is guaranteed of at least one run and one rbi and his batting average goes up."

"So, home runs are connected to everything."

"Everything but stolen bases."

"You should have more players that hit home runs!"

"Now you're getting it."

"So, why don't you?"

"If they get hurt, they can't hit at all"

"Can they at least, run so you can get stolen bases?"

"No, they're not allowed to play at all"

"Oh."

"Thanks for trying to help. It's just one of those bad phases. I'm going to have seven players on the 'can't play list' for now.
If anything, it is a personal record for me and I do like record breaking stuff!"

"That was sarcasm. wasn't it. If I were you, I'd throw away these stupid players that get hurt and try new ones that are healthy."

I have players like Madison Bumgarner, Gary Sanchez, Haniger, JD Martinez and others. Players like them do not grow on tree's! The players that are available now are barely better than the players that aren't playing for me.

"So, what you're trying to say in a very nice way, is that you're fucked!"

(I couldn't stop laughing. This lady never uses profanity.)
"Yes, yes you're right!" (Still laughing)

"Well, I knew I could get you to smile. Good luck with your broke team!
My job is done here!
Bye Dan!"

(And damned if I didn't feel better!
At least until I got home and checked my teams stats.
Then a smile creased my face. I looked at the computer and said...."I'm fucked!"