A Visit to the Shrink
Posted: Fri Nov 05, 2021 11:41 am
I got roped into going to the fantasy baseball shrink's office...
Shrink: How long have you been addicted to fantasy baseball?
Dough: How long have you been wearing 'wing tips' ?
Shrink: That's a long time. Are you good?
Dough: In fantasy, we go year by year. So, I suck.
Shrink: Then why do you play?
Dough: To prove I don't suck...that bad. And one of these years...
Shrink: Finish that sentence....
Dough: One of these years I'm going to have the perfect draft.
Shrink: Is the perfect draft obtainable?
Dough: Hell No! It'd be like shooting an 18 in golf. But if coming close, I'd be damned happy.
Shrink: Is this what makes you most happy in your life?
Dough: Happiness is having three of your players get home runs and stolen bases in the same game while your pitcher throws a shutout.
Shrink: Wow, you do need help.
Dough: Blah Blah Blah
Alright, I'm going to give you a list of names, you tell me the first thing that pops into your head...
Dough: Alright
Shrink: Tatis
Dough: Shoulder
Shrink: Trea Turner
Dough: Five categories
Shrink: Guerrero:
Dough: Big, big Ass...not his personality...He's just got a huge Ass.
Shrink: deGrom
Dough: Mets
Shrink: Freeman
Dough: Boringly good
Shrink: Harper
Dough: Analytics darling
Shrink: Soto
Dough: Analytics God
Shrink: Draft
Dough: Wahoo!
Shrink: You do need help. Same time next week, alright?
Dough: Yep. But I'm bringing my phone. I may be up in the draft
Shrink: (sighing) Yea, you need a lot of help
Shrink: How long have you been addicted to fantasy baseball?
Dough: How long have you been wearing 'wing tips' ?
Shrink: That's a long time. Are you good?
Dough: In fantasy, we go year by year. So, I suck.
Shrink: Then why do you play?
Dough: To prove I don't suck...that bad. And one of these years...
Shrink: Finish that sentence....
Dough: One of these years I'm going to have the perfect draft.
Shrink: Is the perfect draft obtainable?
Dough: Hell No! It'd be like shooting an 18 in golf. But if coming close, I'd be damned happy.
Shrink: Is this what makes you most happy in your life?
Dough: Happiness is having three of your players get home runs and stolen bases in the same game while your pitcher throws a shutout.
Shrink: Wow, you do need help.
Dough: Blah Blah Blah
Alright, I'm going to give you a list of names, you tell me the first thing that pops into your head...
Dough: Alright
Shrink: Tatis
Dough: Shoulder
Shrink: Trea Turner
Dough: Five categories
Shrink: Guerrero:
Dough: Big, big Ass...not his personality...He's just got a huge Ass.
Shrink: deGrom
Dough: Mets
Shrink: Freeman
Dough: Boringly good
Shrink: Harper
Dough: Analytics darling
Shrink: Soto
Dough: Analytics God
Shrink: Draft
Dough: Wahoo!
Shrink: You do need help. Same time next week, alright?
Dough: Yep. But I'm bringing my phone. I may be up in the draft
Shrink: (sighing) Yea, you need a lot of help