Hey! They Beat the Hell Out of 'Value'!

[DOUGHBOYS]

There are some terms I use to myself to describe some of the things that go on in baseball and fantasy baseball. I seldom use them in print because first, they're mine. Second, others wouldn't know what I'm talking about. And third, if not knowing what I'm really saying, it could offend some folks.
Since I feel this is more of an intimate place where most NFBC travelers could give a rat's ass about, I'll let you guys in on some of them....

Pedophile-
This is a drafter who won't leave the kids alone. He'll take Wil Myers. He'll take Taveras. He'll take Rosario. He can't help himself. The attraction is there. Whether he's a 65 year old on the golf course putting moves on the 16 year old snack girl or whether it is a drafter rostering Trout, Harper, Bauer, Rosario, Rutledge, and then takes flyers on Arenado and some guy at single A we never heard of, it could all be a little pathetic.

BJ'ed-
This is a drafter who is only after home runs and stolen bases. The other categories be damned!
I want to see my player hit a homer or steal a base!
When his guy goes 0-12, gets plunked with a pitch and steals second base, he is a happy camper.

Orgy-
This is when a drafter takes the same player with three consecutive picks
Uggla, Dunn, and Soriano or Ichiro, Gardner, and Escobar.
They overcompensate by surrounding themselves with objects missed earlier in the draft/ life.

Rape-
I use this one a lot, never on a chat board.
Others call it getting snaked....which sounds maybe, uh, worse.
This is when you're expecting to draft somebody and the fella in front of you relieves himself by taking your player.
We feel used. We feel we were handled roughly. It'll be tough to form any kind of relationship with a player after the episode. On tilt, we make a bad decision when it comes to the next person we let into our roster/lives.

Doritos-
The height and best of the draft.
In my mind, there are two Doritos this year.
Braun and Cabrera.

AARP abusers-
These are drafters who love them some Jeter, Rivera, Pettitte, and ARod. They've been there and done that.
In this century and the last.
They have a Jamie Moyer baseball card in their wallet.

The Master Drafter Crafter-
This is the guy who positionally drafts.
He feels that he'll be shut out of a position if not reaching it as quickly as possible.
His ADP is formulated so as not to miss Cano or Posey. His infield is done before anybody's.
Screw the outfield and pitching, I've got positions to fill!

The WWF Drafter-
No matter who this guy picks, he's the best player in the world.
Just ask him!
I pity the fool who was brave enough to draft against this guy. During the draft his team is by far better than yours or mine.
Then, the season starts.

The Eddie Haskell Drafter-
Every draft has one. This is the guy who says, 'nice pick!' to everybody.
Meanwhile, he is home in front of his computer laughing at how bad our pick sucked.

[Red Sox Nation-]

Great article Dan. I think we all know these people. There is nothing worse than "Rape" Waiting for that one player to come back to you to have him get taken right in front of you is a kick in the jimmy.

From a competitive standpoint I love to watch an "Orgy" going on. I call it a panic move but your name is better.

[Rog]

so far 5 drafts and I have already been raped,acted like a pedophile,joined the aarp ,got a bj and had 1 bag of doritos. I felt bad just typing that