Sorry it's been a while boys and girls, but my budding celebrity demands have been keeping me occupied lately.
That is if you call spending my Sunday last week with SDD's CEO and NFBC'er Scott Fleming's wife shooting promotional video spots for Sports Draft Daily (http://www.sportsdraftdaily.com), celebrity. Essentially these were hilarious little vignettes written and directed by a professional film crew, but apparently there was no additional money in the budget to hire professional actors as well. So Fleming in his infinite wisdom and astute business acumen, enlisted me to play the tortured husband for the videos, a couple of adorable neighborhood children as my kids, and a hot blonde chick to play my wife. Only problem, that's the role she plays in real life for Fleming, and she wasn't too keen on being Shanghaied for her Sunday for "a little while to help out" as she was assured by her husband which essentially turned out to be all day...with no sign of Fleming to be found! (Turns out he hadn't planned for any babysitting help in advance either 
). So essentially I was left doing my Pulp Fiction poor man's Vincent Vega impersonation all day having to entertain this woman.In the end, I think we shot some pretty creative and funny stuff, but I couldn't help thinking as I was driving home about a great quote that I had read somewhere: "No matter how good she looks, somewhere there's someone who's sick of her crap."
Probably explains why Fleming spends so much of his time on the road for work. 
And before anyone has a cow, we already joked about all this before I wrote it. I should have known what I was in for from this exchange that took place shortly before the shoot:Fleming's wife: "Remember, April 15th is Mickey Mouse." (with our son)
Fleming: "You do realize that I have to do free agency and fabb that day to have a chance at winning the money."
Fleming's wife: :"Oh Please don't start with that shit again!"
Classic.Why can't the wives just get that this stuff takes priority over just about everything.
One of the unfortunate things about listening to Sirius XM's Fantasy Sports Channel all day when I'm the road (besides former major league ball players and GM's trying to give fantasy baseball advice; note: PLEASE STOP THIS), has to be those creepy Christian Mingle dating site commercials. I mean seriously, how bad do these people need to get laid? And is it really God's will that you join these sites so that you can hook up with another equally creepy preordained, random man or woman to get some blessed oral and hopefully a ring to follow?
I just don't get it...which is why I probably should try Christian Mingle! How much would someone give me to join, go on dates, and do hidden camera reactions when at some point into the first few minutes of the date I tell these women that I'm really a Satan worshiper, and sorry for the confusion. Yes, I would be on my way to hell, but since I've been a Mets fan my entire life, Lucifer says we're cool.Speaking of The Devil, I'm usually able to somewhat tune out the "music" of today when I'm in the gym, but I happen to catch the following song lyric the other day: "Call me Mr. Flintstone, I can make your bed rock...". Either more proof of the Devil's handiwork, or there is no God to allow such suffering bestowed on mankind. I'm not getting old. The majority of the music today sucks. Period.
Nice segue for a few words related to working out and Major League Baseball. I have been in the gym game for about 27 years now. I've been a personal trainer, helped managed two gyms back in the day, and competed in natural NPC bodybuilding competitions, and untested drug shows as well when I was the only natural bodybuilder on stage. And I can honestly say, that if any of you think that Mike Trout is 6' 1" and 240 lbs. and is claiming that he's at 9% body fat, you're friggin' deluded!. I'm about 6'1", and I have been 240 lbs. in the past, and if I was 9% bodyfat and clean at that weight, I would have won every competition I was in (FYI, drugged pro bodybuilders hit the stage at a dangerously unhealthy 4-5% body fat at that weight or even slightly lower; and natural bodybuilders around 7-8% unless they're sticks) . So what I'm saying is, he'd be a shredded monster... and he's not. That's fat, and he needs to lose it if he truly weighs that much because it will affect his speed and his agility for sure. They used to say the same shit about Shaq years ago when he was playing, "he's 7'1 and 350 lbs. at 3% bodyfat" or some crazy shit like that. Please. Below is what one of the most massive pro bodybuilders in the history of the sport looked like at his peak at nearly 6'6" tall and close to 300 lbs. with single digit bodyfat:
Of course Lou had some help, but for his time, he dwarfed everyone in the sport, including Arnold, and would have eventually beaten him if he didn't leave bodybuilding to pursue being:
Well, at least we know Mike Trout has something he can slide into if baseball doesn't work out.
Just finished up Dan Kenyon's latest DC Express. He's obviously now just selling off his name for marketing purposes as a shill for the NFBC because now he's not even in his own drafts!
That being said, I don't know if I can ever go back to drafting in any other type of DC draft. What a pleasure getting these done at a 10 rds per day clip. Of course, it does have it's inconveniences such as when I happened to be a little slow on the uptake for a pick in my role as the friendly, neighborhood draft facilitator. Apparently everyone wanted a little "payback", so when I was 10 minutes "late" and holding up a run one night, I think I got like seven text messages in a 30 second clip. 
Explain that one to your wife around midnight during the week. But let none of you reading this be deterred in getting involved in this format. Once you do, you'll be hooked. 
Which side would you choose in this side bet for best combined stats for the 2013 season: Jay Bruce and Carl Crawford or Adam "Gekko" LaRoche and Lorenzo "Gekko" Cain? Guess who favors who?
That's what makes him "The Draft Champions Master".And as promised, my college security story (Cliff Notes version):
The long and short of it was you were supposed to pay for a parking permit to park on campus. I was like, "Parking permit?! I don't need no stinking parking permit!". Didn't need no parking spaces either apparently. I used to park my very conspicuous (even for that time) 1969 metallic blue Buick LaSabre anywhere I damn well pleased. My favorite spot being on the lawn outside my first floor dorm window. Best spot on campus.
Well I racked up a few tickets over the course of the year (maybe 75-80
), and I wasn't real happy about it. So I decided to take out my righteous indignation on campus security while performing what I thought was a community service on behalf of my fellow students as well. So at night, my roommate and I would roam the campus righting the wrongs of "unfairly" issued parking tickets by removing them from every car that had been isued one across campus. This went on for about a semester. The newspaper wrote stories after a while of the mystery of "missing and disappearing" parking summonses. They just couldn't figure it out. Well, in time, all good things must come to an end. They eventually booted my car when I decided to park it next to the chief of campus security's parking space. I guess that was pushing it a bit.. Apparently, my car had become the "most wanted" impound on campus (funny I never recalled seeing any posters up in the post office, I told them ).Anyway, when I went down to the security station with my roommate along to back me up to confront the chief head on, and hopefully reconcile all of my evil ways with him, it kind of got off on the wrong foot. Unbeknownst to us, it turned out that he was a proud WWII vet who had fought over in Europe, and this was his retirement job after being part of the real police force somewhere. Somehow the conversation became a bit heated, and I believe the word "NAZI" was hurled in his direction. Word of advice: Never refer to veteran of WWII who has seen action in the European theater of operations as a "Nazi." Let's just say he popped a few gaskets before having to be physically restrained to prevent us from a potentially serious beatdown. This actually ended up working in our favor, because he was so threatening to us "kids", that he scared even himself. I walked out of there paying about $75 in total fines and my being kindly car de-booted and back in my possession. Just how things used to work out for me back in those days.
I'm sure officer Sack Magner could let us in on what I would be facing today if I was implicated on half of what I had done back then today. Know this was a long one, but hope it was worth the read. Be back soon with more pre-Vegas musings.
-MTM
