Fantasy Camp

[MadCow Sez]

So good Dough! I'm in a draft with MTM now and loved it when I saw him take his first pitcher in the 7th round! He did text me the other day that his team is a shoe in for the DC Overall, so that's nice! Merry Christmas!

He sent me the same text, Max. I guess MTM enjoys being tied for first OA today....he's got momentum!

[DOUGHBOYS]

Let's check in on the kids....



DOUGHBOYS:
I'm going over to the Dark Side.

Rog:
WHAT!
ARE YOU SERIOUS!?

DOUGHBOYS:
I am. This year kicked my ass.
I need some fantasy prostitution.
The best place is the Dark Side.

Rog:
Holy Shit!
Somebody blow taps for baseball as we know it!

KJ Duke:
I like the Dark Side. And I even lost my girlfriend to the Dark Side.
I see Jules there whenever I visit there....sigh....

CC's Desperados:
We cannot box ourselves into one sport. In order to be a true Champion of fantasy sports, we must embrace everything fantasy.

Gekko:
I agree CC, but that sounded a little gay.

CC's Desperados:
Sorry, prose flashback.

DOUGHBOYS:
Is Numerish spoken on the Dark Side?

ToddZ:
26720986209

Bjoak:
He says a form of 'pig-Numerish'
Sabrmetrics is replaced by 'Sabolmetrics'

Gekko:
Of course I am as good on the Dark Side as I am here.
I win wherever I go.
Dough, if you want some pointers, let me know.

DOUGHBOYS:
Isn't there a lot more luck involved on the Dark Side?

Gekko:
Nah, it's the same as baseball.
If somebody besides me wins here or on the Dark Side, they were lucky.
If I win, it's ALL SKILL, BABY!!!

Outlaw:
I don't go to the Dark Side!
Do you know how prevalent PEDS are on the Dark Side? And the injuries?
Let me tell you all about them.....It all started with Lyle Alzado and........

DOUGHBOYS:
Uh, I gotta go, Gekko, weren't you gonna tell me some things about the Dark Side?

Gekko:
Yep, right behind you...

KJ Duke:
I think I'll see if Jules is there...see ya...

Rog:
Me too...And I don't even know her.....

Outlaw:
So, Alzado was not supposed to be that good, but suddenly, he is a yearly leader in Sacks and a dominant force for the 'Orange Crush' Defense...and...hey, where did everybody go?

[Fourslot40]

Doughy you crack me up... everytime you reference Zola, it's a number. Every time. Hysterical. Great to hear from you. Hope you are well sir.

Bosch

[Greg Ambrosius]

Welcome to football Dan. It will bide the time until November when the NFBC Draft Champions leagues start again!! Good luck in that other sport and bring some friends along with you. We have some contests like the NFFC Cutline and Online Championship that are pretty cool and have $100,000 grand prizes. The Dark Side!!

[DOUGHBOYS]

Its been a long time since we checked in on the kids....

Edwards Kings: "Who are you?"

Yellow: "Right now, you can call me Yellow. When getting to know me, you'll think of me as a God."

Edwards Kings: "Hmmmm, I'm already thinking something about you."

KJ Duke: "Hey, who's the new kid?"

Yellow: "My name's Yellow. I'm not the 'new kid'. I'm a friend of Deadheadz and I came to tell all you guys to respect him!"

KJ Duke: "First, any friend of Deadheadz is a friend of mi...Ha! I tried hard, I couldn't pull it off!"

Yellow: "Werent' you listening, I told you to respect him!"

KJ Duke: "Respect is earned, Buddy! But between you and him, he may be in the lead in the respect race."

Yellow: "Apparently, you guys don't know who you're talking to. I'm one of the best fantasy players in the World!"

All-In: "Says who?"

Yellow: "My mirror...Everyday."

Gekko:" How much money have you won?"

Yellow: "None....But I've lost a lot less money than a lot of other players!"

All-In:" I don't think that is the spirit of the game."

Coz: "So, what are you here for?"

Yellow:"I'm looking for Roi"

KJ Duke:" Return of Investment? I can figure it out for you! Zero."

Yellow: "Don't insult one of the best fantasy minds in the world! I'm looking for a kid named Roi, smartass!"

All-In:" Man, I don't know what's wrong with you, but I bet it's hard to pronounce!"

Yellow:" I wrote a little song about myself...I'll play it for you..."

Here's a song for no one
It's for nobody but me
Because I like myself too much
And my ego is so big

I love myself
And I'm as happy as can be
I don't need no one else
I'm on my own and I'm free

People say that I'm selfish
But I don't give a damn
You know I don't care
About what people say
I'll never change the way I am.

I love myself
And I'm as happy as can be
I don't need no one else
I'm on my own and I'm free.

I respect nobody
And nobody respects me
I'm all alone in this world
Admit it, you want to be me

Yellow: "Hey you! Right about now, you wanna be like me, right?"

GlennerationX- "How about never? Is never good for you?"

Yellow: "You guys are jealous."

All-in: "You're out of your mind! Wait...did you start with one?"

Yellow:" I'm real easy to get along with, once people learn to worship me. You guys all suck, just like your Mothers and Sisters and step sisters and ...."

ToddZ: "289729843762984876"

Bjoak: "He asked who the moron is..."

Yellow: "It's me! Wait a minute, was that a trick?"

DOUGHBOYS: "Cool it guys, here comes the teacher"!

Teacher Childs: "Hey Kids, are you guys being nice to our visitor?"

Yellow:" Hey! Screw you, Teach! I don't need your respect or your opinion!"

Teacher Childs: "Wait.....you remind me of somebody...HEY! You look and act just like the Yahoo Kid!"

Yellow:" I'm better than that. I played at ESPN"

(The group all laughs)

Yellow: "What are you guys laughing at?"

rockitsauce: "AYSA! WAM! AYFR? Man!"

Cobb: "He said, 'At your stupid ass! What a moron! Are you for real? Man!"

Gekko: "Heads up, guys, Principal Ambrosius is coming!"

Principal Ambrosius: "Are you boys all getting along?"

Yellow: "Who the hell wants to know. You? Aren't you the one that gives those boring announcements.
Really? You feel like you have to list all the names of students who gets A's?
BORING!
And so STUPID!
Why don't you pick up your Fu**ing game!
I can't believe this school is still running with a moron like you running the school!"

(Principal Ambrosius kicks him and misses)

Yellow: "You can't even kick me and I'm right here!"

(Principal Ambrosius winds up and misses another kick, and misses)

Yellow: "I get the message. Just tell your kids to leave me alone. They are contacting me all the time."

GlennerationX: "His reality check just bounced."

(Principal Ambrosius winds up a third time and connects with Yellow. Yellow runs off and is never heard from again.

Principal Ambrosius:" Good riddance to bad rubbish!"

(A car pulls up and another new kid jumps out)

Principal Ambrosius: Well, I'm almost always eager to greet a new student. Who might you be?

Roi: "My name is Roi."

All-In:" Ha! Yellow was looking for you! He'll NEVER find you now. Yellow, is indeed, Karma's Bitch!!!!"

[rockitsauce]

(I put the lil neutral guy in there cuz even he was laughing at that post Dough)

YICMBH You Is Crazy My Big Honky

[Baseball Furies]

Absolutely as clever, creative, and hysterical as always, Doughy. Loved it.

[Glenneration X]

Always funny, always topical, this thread is the Doonesbury or Bloom County of our boards. Great stuff as usual Dough.

[Ando]

Great job, Dan. Funny that I could actually envision rockit saying that mumbo jumbo.

[DOUGHBOYS]

Thanks.
I was belittling myself for omitting a couple of things I wanted to include.
But, it was getting a little longish too....so there's that
Also without an episode to establish it, Shawn has 'graduated' and become a teacher.
Much like he has done here.

[Cobb]

That is funny Dough! Sometimes I do feel like I'm in Airplane! with Rockit…I'm that old lady who speaks jive and Rockit is both Jive guys talking to himself!

First Jive Dude: Shiiiiit, maaaaan. That honky muf' be messin' mah old lady... got to be runnin' cold upside down his head, you know?
Second Jive Dude: Hey home', I can dig it. Know ain't gonna lay no mo' big rap up on you, man!
First Jive Dude: I say hey, sky... subba say I wan' see...
Second Jive Dude: Uh-huh.
First Jive Dude: ...pray to J I did the same-ol', same-ol'!
Second Jive Dude: Hey... knock a self a pro, Slick! That gray matter backlot perform us DOWN, I take TCB-in', man!
First Jive Dude: Hey, you know what they say: see a broad to get dat booty yak 'em...
First Jive Dude, Second Jive Dude: ...leg 'er down a smack 'em yak 'em!
First Jive Dude: COL' got to be! Y'know? Shiiiiit.

[DOUGHBOYS]

Joe, I have to admit that when reading some of Dave's posts, I have to wait for a reply from somebody else to tip me off in what he said!

[DOUGHBOYS]

Lets check in on the kids....

Doctor Who:
Did you guys see I had the number one team in the Main Event?

KJ Duke:
Had?
For how long?

Doctor Who:
Um, uh, one day. Two if including the day of the Cubs-Cards game.

KJ Duke:
You are the Alexander Haig of the NFBC.

Doctor Who:
What position did Haig play?

All-In JD:
Mikey, you always have your nose in that cell phone

Mike the Mouth:
And you always have your nose in my business!

All-In JD:
Well, you're not scrolling down, so you're not looking for where you are in the standings.

Mike the Mouth:
No. No I'm not. (smiling)
As a matter of fact, I'm looking at the final standings of the daily NFBC game last night.

Driver Love:
Don't talk to me about daily games!
One button!
$10,000!
Arghh!

rockitsauce:
Talkin 'Bout?
ITB
Daily BTOBS!

Cobb:
He said what are you saying?
It's the best
The Daily Game: Be there or be square!

All-In JD:
Oh. Hey! I finished second!

Mike the Mouth:
Yeah, but you lost to DEADHEADZ! nah-ner, nah-ner, nah-ner!

All-In JD:
All morning long I've been taking grief about finishing second to him.
I win money and I lose respect. HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN?!?

(CRACKLING OF THE SPEAKERS)

Principal Ambrosius:
Attention All students!
I want to congratulate Deadheadz on winning our daily game last night.
Deadheadz wins entry into our Main Event next year.
Oh, and before leaving you to your instructors, an acknowledgment to All-In JD for finishing in second place.

(Laughter from the kids)

Mike the Mouth:
I think what Principal Ambrosius was saying is "Way to go, JD, you just got your ass handed to you by Deadheadz!

Coz:
Never has the term 'Second place is first loser' been more valid'!

GlennerationX:
JD, you are like Avis....without Hertz!

Navel Lint:
Scottie Pippen without Jordan!

ToddZ:
29847624398437923862834648239846239083452048389246

Bjoak:
He said that this may be the first time in fantasy history when the second place entrant is as remembered as first place.

All-In JD:
THIS IS CRAP!
Most people would be proud to finish in second place out of so many entrants!

Spartacus:
Yeah! Just ask the 1980 Russian hockey team!

Le Grand Orange:
Or John McCain!

knuckleheads:
Or Custer!

DOUGHBOYS:
I have a knock-knock joke, but now it seems irrelevant.

Rog:
Ah, come on, tell us.

DOUGHBOYS:
Knock Knock?
Whos there?
The guy who finished second
The guy who finished second who?
Exactly.

CC's Desperado's:
Yep. Not relevant.
Forever remembered.

All-In JD:
YOU GUYS ALL SUCK!
That is money I will be spending!
Dollars!
Lots of them!
Go ahead! Try and make me feel bad about being second.
I'll think about you when I'm spending this MONEY at the candy store!

Mike the Mouth:
Hey JD, your girlfriend just called.
She wants to know if you'll RUNNERUP some books from her locker.
I told her you'd be there in a SECOND!


All-In JD:
SCREW EVERYBODY!!!

[BK METS]

Great stuff as usual Dan. I definitely hear Jeff saying everything you quoted. But, I am disappointed that I have been absent from the last few camps. I hope someday to be a regular, although that is not always a good thing....

[Doctor Who]

My first fantasy camp! Why am I excited like a little school girl? And it was 3 days if you count the Cubs/Cards game! I've never seen that so needed to take a screen shot! That way in August, I'll just replace the real standings with my screenshot and all will be right with the world again!

[DOUGHBOYS]

Its been awhile, let's check in on the kids....

La Jolla: Does anybody know why Principal Ambrosius called the assembly?

Gekko: Probably to alert all the students in what a great job I did this year.

King of Queens: Yeah, that's probably it.

Principal Ambrosius: ( enters the room and stands before the microphone)
Good morning, kids. I want to speak to you about the future of our Camp. There are Fantasy Camps far away from us that teach differently. They invite luck into their game, while we try to educate the skill facet of the game. Anyway, these Camps are becoming more and more popular. You may have even seen some of their advertising which shows every 1.3 seconds on our televisions. This advertising has caught the eye of powerful men in Washington...

DOUGHBOYS: Do you mean...Bryce Harper?

Principal Ambrosius: No, not Bryce Harper. These men are strong in a different way. They were elected by your parents and make rules. They are thinking about rules that would close down our Camps.

Baseball Furies: WHAT THE F**K! THEY CAN'T DO THAT! I MEAN EXCUSE MY LANGUAGE, PRINCIPAL AMBROSIUS, BUT THIS IS BULL*IT! WE LEARN SKILL HERE AND ANOTHER CAMP TEACHES LUCK AND WE ALL GET FU**ING BANNED?

Principal Ambrosius: Baseball Furies, although I agree with your statements, you will be in detention until proving that you can put together sentences without cursing.

Rog: Wow, that's a life sentence in detention.

Joe Sambito: No Camp? That's so under handed and smacks of right handed.

Driver Love: I love this place!

Doctor Who: I can't imagine life without our Camp!

Ando: Somebody is to blame besides just those other Camps I bet!

Money: I bet it was somebody from the East Coast!

Cocktails and Dreams: Yep, it's a conspiracy!

All-in JD: I bet it was Fanball!

Chest Rockwell: Yeah, I never did trust that Ryan E Houston guy...

Raskol: What did that 'E' stand for?

EWeaver: You guys are over 30, right? We won't close.

Glenneration X: Umm, actually most of us are nine.

mbendar: Can we change the subject to something more pleasant...LIKE THE METS?

Navel Lint: Do we have to?

headhunters: the white sox would have been better than the cubs.

Bronx Yankees: Yankee fans forced to live vicariously through the Mets. Icky.

BK Mets: I told everybody that the Mets would be good this year!

KJ Duke: Yes, but you say that EVERY year!

BK Mets: Yep, BUT I'M RIGHT THIS YEAR!

Pine tar: Murphy beds will be making a comeback in New York.

Cobb: My brother has gone to those luck Camps:

rockitsauce: Yep, they're giddy up and go for me! It's DB, Man. You pickin' up what I'm laying down?
It's all about the DB.Daily Buzz.

Yah Mule: That game may cost us our Camp!

Bob Enzyte: Pigs will fly before that happens!

Yellow Ledbetters: Ha! Now you punks will know how I feel!

Deadheadz: Will I still be able to go to Camps in Canada?

Baseball Furies: PLEASE, go to a Camp in Canada!

Fourslot40: They can't close this Camp! I've been here for 12 years and I'm still nine years old.

Edwards Kings: True, that is one of the beauties of this Camp. We all seem to be growing younger together, not older.

JohnP: Dylan said, "I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now"

Teufel Hunden: I thought that was 'The Byrds'

Gekko: Whose Dylan? I bet I can beat him.

Walla Walla: This Camp is quitting me? Who knew?

Sack: I'll miss ripping on Luny:

Lunatic: Right back at you, Man!

Winston's Empire: Guys! This can't be the end! I'll be drafting in that $1000 DC. IT'S GONNA BE GREAT! You'll see!

ToddZ: 7620984847834679288419

Bjoak: He says that the odds of us closing Camp is only 19 percent.

Coz: Well, that's 19 percentage points better than the Cubs have of winning this year.
Maybe Back to the Future, part 10 will get it right.

Lunch Lady: YOU BOYS STOP YER BELLY ACHING AND GET IN HERE TO EAT!
TODAY, WE HAVE MEAT LOAF, MASHED TATERS, AND DONUTS!
SCREW THEM WASHINGTON FELLAS, I DON'T LET THEM TELL ME WHAT TO DO!

Hopefully
To be continued......

[mbendar16]

This been an unbelievably exciting Sept and Oct rooting my Mets on this magical run, and now it brings the honor of my debut in Fantasy Camp. Always up-to-date with these boards and entertaining to read Dan, thanks for including me.

Mark

[Sack]

Thanks Dan, made my day and kudo's for including as many of us as you can!

I'll even be nice to Luny today. Hey Big Jimmy, good luck today pal.

[Winston's Empire]

Always nice to see Fantasy Camp and to be included!!!
Hope you all are well. GO CUBS!

[Fourslot40]

Thanks Dan. I intend on never leaving camp! Forever young!

[DOUGHBOYS]

Just wanted to put this episode with the others...


It's been over a year and the kids haven't aged a day.
Let's check in on them....

blazer68:
Have any of you fellas seen the Doughboy?

Edwards Kings:
I haven't seen him in weeks.

Spinning Seams:
Just follow the Doritos crumbs!

headhunters:
I think I saw him at another Camp.

MBendar15:
Another Camp, why would he want to go to another Camp?

Madcow sez:
Well we do have small issues here. We have had the same computers for 14 years!

Mike The Mouth:
Our technology is so bad, it can't even be called technology anymore! We just have 'nology!

Deadheadz:
There is chaos in my draft! Three picks in and nobody has taken Mookie Betts!

JohnP:
Has anybody seen Deadheadz and the Yahoo Kid in the same place? ...Anybody?

Tree Huggers:
The players that suck in the NFBC should get preference in KDS.

Money:
If you suck, you suck! You can suck from 1-15. Geez, ask for 16 in a draft. I prefer 12.

mdecav:
When will the adp be updated?

Gekko:
You should feel sheepish that you even said that!

Chest Rockwell:
Remember when we used to have mock drafts to get a feel for adp?

Joe Sambito:
Yep. Now we mock the mock drafts.

Principal Ambrosius:
Hey Boys? Have you seen Winston's Empire or All-in JD or Doughboys anywhere?

Navel Lint:
Yeah, and where is GlennerationX?

Principal Ambrosius:
He got good grades on the Dark Side.

chiznad21:
I don't know about Winston's or JD, but we heard Doughboy went to another Camp.

Principal Ambrosius:
Another Camp? Without telling me? Ugh. He probably went to one of those 91% Camps.

Fourslot40:
What's a 91% Camp?

Principal Ambrosius:
They give out grades that are too high. Unsustainable.

KJ Duke:
Well, if anybody is stainable, it's Doughboys. Pre-Breakfast, breakfast, and post-breakfast stains on his shirt before lunch!

(Principal Ambrosius walks away shaking his head)

Cobb:
Did you guys see what Principal Ambrosius wrote in the school paper?

rockitsauce:
What did he write?

Cobb:
He wrote something titled, 'So What About This Kyle Schwarber Dude'

Papa's nine:
Sad when somebody tries to be our age.

Walla Walla:
I miss the Doughboy. Especially at buffets.

NorCalAtlFan:
Screw him! He probably left to go to an easier Camp. Say what you want about our Camp, but we can kick any other Camps fantasy ass!

Gekko:
Hey Boys! Gather round! I've got a tip for you straight from Gekko Industries!

Group:
What is it? What's the tip?

Gekko:
Well, I have a reliable source that one of the pitchers in drafts has 'dead arm'.

Group:
Who? Who?

Gekko:
Yordani Ventura!!!

(The Group groans)

Gekko:
Too soon?

Group:
Too soon.

KJ Duke:
Actually, Ventura is ranked ahead of Jake Peavy in our defaults during drafts.

JohnP:
That's only right. Ventura can't hurt our peripherals like Peavy can.

Deadheadz:
That's right! I'm moving Ventura up my lists!

Rog:
I texted Doughboys the other day.

Ando:
Doughboy texts now? Talk about somebody who knows nothing about tech!

Rog:
Yeah, but he thinks an emoji is a sex toy, so he has a long ways to go.

ToddZ:
2/43

Bjoak:
He said he saw Doughboy in another Camp. Tested some stuff with him. He said he was raving about whoever said "Speed Never Slumps" never saw BJ Upton not hit. He said, you know, hardly anybody at that Camp seemed to listen or care. He was out of place there.

Yah Mule:
He said all that with a fraction?

Bjoak:
Numerish is a precise language!

ToddZ (smiling):
Fuck you!

Bjoak:
Ugh. Its been years and the only two words he knows in English are those two words.

Fwicker:
That's not English. Pardon his French!

Principal Ambrosius:
Boys, it is time to hit the books! Move in an orderly manner, please.

Edwards Kings:
Yeah, like Joey Votto says, 'Walk don't run'!

(The kids walk down the hall, but Gekko blocks the door)

Gekko:
Hey, I just looked inside. Doughboy is there.

Toxic Assets:
Hey, let's give him the silent treatment!

Group:
Yeah!

(The kids enter the room)

Quahogs:
You know, it sure has been nice and peaceful here lately.

Bob Enzyte:
It's like somebody turned off a radio with just static!

Mike the Mouth:
And not that I would have my lips touch those toxins, but I've heard that Doritos are actually in stock in local stores!

Navel Lint:
Did you guys see that Bryan Kenny yesterday, he sure knows his stuff!

NorCalAtlFan:
I see a lot of VALUE in that statement. There is VALUE everywhere. Ever notice how both Votto and VALUE start with V's?
VALUE, VALUE, VALUE!

CC's Desperados:
Remember that fat kid that used to be here?

Sack:
I remember.

CC's Desperados:
You know what I liked about that kid?

Sack:
What?

CC's Desperados:
Nothing.

DOUGHBOYS:
Ok guys, I get it. The silent treatment. Very funny.

headhunters:
Something you could never do, eh Big Mouth?

DOUGHBOYS:
Probably not.

Navel Lint:
So are you back?

DOUGHBOYS:
I'm back.
Say what you want about our Camp, it's got the best kids in the world. You can take the kid out of the Camp, but you can't take the Camp out of the kid.
(Getting emotional)
You guys are the best. Like family to me.

Gekko:
Oh Geez! What a friggin baby!
You're not George Bailey coming back home.
But I am glad you're back.

DOUGHBOYS:
Why?

Gekko:
Because I love kicking your ass!!!

[Walla Walla]

You made my day. Welcome back!

[Greg Ambrosius]

This seems like a "Simposons" episode where Bart now goes to the chalkboard and writes:

I Will NEVER leave fantasy camp again
I Will NEVER leave fantasy camp again
I Will NEVER leave fantasy camp again
I Will NEVER leave fantasy camp again
I Will NEVER leave fantasy camp again
I Will NEVER leave fantasy camp again
I Will NEVER leave fantasy camp again
I Will NEVER leave fantasy camp again
I Will NEVER leave fantasy camp again
I Will NEVER leave fantasy camp again
I Will NEVER leave fantasy camp again
I Will NEVER leave fantasy camp again
I Will NEVER leave fantasy camp again
I Will NEVER leave fantasy camp again
I Will NEVER leave fantasy camp again

Welcome back.

The Doughboys forum will move under General NFBC Discussion again. Have fun everyone.

[ToddZ]

FANTRAXY CAMP

Doughboys: Hello? Anyone here? Bueller? Shit, I'd settle for the Yahoo Kid.

(later that day)

Edwards Kings: Hey, where'd Dan go? I know he was here. There's an empty bag of Doritos on the ground.

[Sack]

Way to go DOUGH - always a good read. The Mike the Mouth stuff - Priceless!

Welcome back buddy. Where's Glenneration X?