My friend, Bud Selig and I sat down to lunch yesterday. For those of you who don't know, Bud is an extremely good listener and open to new ideas about the game of baseball.
For example, here is part of our conversation from yesterday...
Bud: How about that All-Star game?
Dan: Bud, that was two months ago!
Or in Selig time, 120 naps back!
Are you guys serious about taking minutes from baseball games?
Bud: We have committee's...
Dan: Blah, blah, blah. Let me give you a couple of ideas.
First, that third to first thing the pitcher does has got to go! A waste of time and a yawner for all. Each time it is tried and failed, automatic ball for the batter.
Bud: I hate that move! And now they do it, just to do it, they're not even prepared to throw should the runner go.
I like it, a ball for each failure!
Dan: To save more time, each time a player talks with a coach on the field, it should be a ball or strike depending whether on offense or defense.
Bud: Like the first trip to the mound or when a batter talks to the third base coach?
Dan: Exactly. It'll still be allowable, but make it hurt a little bit for wasting our time. Same thing with catchers going to the mound, a ball for each visit. They can talk in the dugout.
Bud: Sounds like a winner. Nobody pays to see players talking or with their coaches...
Dan: Oooh, that reminds me, for the love of God, why do we have to see 75 year old men in a baseball uniform? Can't you make a rule where they can wear some kind of coaching gear that makes them look more pallatable to the public.
Bud: Piniella is gone and Bobby Cox retires this year. That vision will leave your noggin eventually.
Dan: Land lines are becoming a thing of the past as well. Can we get rid of the hookup on the dugout wall to the bullpen and give Managers and coaches cell phones?
Bud: We tried that years ago on the sly. Bobby Valentine killed us with international calls to Japan. We've tabled it since.
Dan: Besides tradition, why is there a first base coach?
Bud: Who else is there to carry the pads and protection from batters back to the dugout?
Now THAT, saves time!
Dan: In public, it is part of your job to say how wonderful fans are, just between you and me, what do they do, to make you roll your eyes?
Bud: They boo when the other team is trying to pick off a player. Why? When their team does it for the same reason, it is ok, but when the other team does it, unacceptable. I don't get it.
Dan: My favorite is the booing of the first three pitches of an intentional walk, followed by cheering after the last ball. Sort of like, "Hey, we hate you for walking our guy, DOH! Hey look, we got a guy on first!"
Dan: What about radio and tv guys?
What do they say that causes a roll of the eyes?
Bud: Eventually, they all say it. After any three run homer hit by the home team, without fail, they will call the homer, a BIG three run homer. They can't help it. EVERY three run homer is big, but they never fail to disappoint in stating the obvious.
Dan: My favorite is, "He is a triple short of the cycle".
Yeah, him and 5,000 other guys who had a single, double, and homer! I'll be on pins and needles waiting to see if that guy can get a triple.
Bud: I've got to go. Believe it or not, I've got some kind of meeting with GAB.
Dan: What is GAB?
Bud: Gay Awareness in Baseball. Some kind of gay group who wants more input in baseball.
Dan: That reminds me, can you put a bug in Geovany Soto's ear about how his catching gear looks.
Bud: (leaving) Thanks, I'll make that a point in our favor at the meeting. See ya.
Dan: (thinking) First base coaches have become 'butler's'.
May I relieve you of your pads ,sir?
Might I remind you that their is one out?
There is a spot of tea awaiting you in the dugout, should you complete your jaunt around the bases, sir
Man, maybe he should bring that up to GAB!
Damn, they say he's not sharp, but here I am, and there's the check.
Bastardo!
Bud and I
Bud and I
Dan: Land lines are becoming a thing of the past as well. Can we get rid of the hookup on the dugout wall to the bullpen and give Managers and coaches cell phones?
I think the idea is that the manager is aloud to talk to field personnel but not allowing cell phones (or headsets) is a way to keep the front office in the front office. It is a super-dumb rule though because a manager (or bench coach or anyone else) can sneak back to the clubhouse and use cell phones or consult with front office personnel any time they want. It's sort of a don't ask, don't tell philosophy and they might as well just do away with it.
I think the idea is that the manager is aloud to talk to field personnel but not allowing cell phones (or headsets) is a way to keep the front office in the front office. It is a super-dumb rule though because a manager (or bench coach or anyone else) can sneak back to the clubhouse and use cell phones or consult with front office personnel any time they want. It's sort of a don't ask, don't tell philosophy and they might as well just do away with it.
Chance favors the prepared mind.