Last night a woman approached me at the ball park. She looked annoyed or perplexed. Either way, expressions that men would rather not see on the face of a woman approaching them.
"Hi, my name is Jackie, I'm Ray's wife, he plays in your fantasy baseball league."
I have handled, no wait that doesn't sound right, I have explained to wives in the past about fantasy baseball and knew what was coming.
"Ray is obsessed with this so-called hobby. He thinks about it day and night. He watches games till midnight and gets up early before work to 'check on his team' and meet deadlines. He pays less and less attention to me and I'm left wondering if I should have children with a guy that is addicted to something I can't compete with."
I asked her to sit down and listen to what fantasy baseball is from a guy's perspective.
"Fantasy baseball is like a man meeting a woman. Love at first sight. She is constantly on his mind. The study that he puts in over the off season is the 'courtship'. The more he studies, the more he falls in love.
Joining a league is like a proposal, he sets the date, and spends as much time as possible with his new 'fiance' before the Big Day.
The Big Day is here!
He is getting married to the woman of his dreams. Las Vegas, Chicago, New York, even here at home, it doesn't matter where, it is the Big Day.
The end of the Big Day leads to the 'Honeymoon Suite'. There is no nine month wait.
Instant fatherdom. Yeah, I made up that word, what of it?
These kids are foster kids. He will only have them for six months. Heck, some will only last a week with him, and he may pick up more 'deserving' kids.
During the six months, he will scold, punish, embrace, and get emotionally involved with his kids. He has no choice, they're HIS kids, and he'll love them until they leave."
Jackie looked at me. "When you put it like that, that is quite a commitment he is making. Maybe Ray would be a good dad.
What happens when the kids leave?"
I looked down.
"Uh, unfortunately there is not a happy ending. When the children leave, the love is lost. It's perpetual, it'll happen every year. He'll start the cycle of fantasy life all over again"
Jackie said, "That is all well and good, but what about me? Do I just watch this perpetual cycle of his fantasy life each year while being ignored?
"Again, this is from the guys point of view, but you're not being ignored, he is just interested in something else, much like a 'workaholic'. It's something you have to work at, heck, maybe it'll lead to an intervention, but it is worth salvaging.
The three major reasons for divorce is money, another lover, or abuse. If calling fantasy baseball the other lover, so be it! That other lover is right in your home! Most wives don't have that advantage in fighting off another woman! Feminine wilds trumps a computer or tv, right? Trust me, you'll get paid attention to a lot. You know his children leave in about a week, right?."
She perked up. "They do?!"
"So I'll be the only woman?!"
"Maybe if I work at it pretty hard, Ray won't start his fantasy life up again"
I told her good luck with that.
She left, a happier woman.
I was just happy that I knew Ray didn't play fantasy football.